pooh-etry

I was bored so I made these three poems. Fine! They’re crap but at least I’m trying. Practice makes perfect or at most a better product so here goes (I feel I’m going to regret this post)…

Untitled

Pigs fly and mushrooms talk
And all I can do is gawk
I hear a sound
But cannot believe
This thing I have perceived
I pinch myself to test if true
Did I hear you say
I love you?

Untitled

The sky is weeping
Can you not hear?
Do I need to pinch your ear?
The stars are falling
Can you not see?
Do I need to study ophthalmology?
The roses are here
Can you not smell?
Do I need to ring the bell?
The pig is cooked
Can you not taste?
Do I need to add mayonnaise?
I love you
You feel it too!
Why Thank You!

Ode to the letter Z

Night has come yet I cannot find
The last letter was left behind
It makes me worry, I can’t sleep
Do I dare weep?
Some try to comfort me
but they do not see
Y A W and N's are not of use
Z's are what I need the most.

What do you think? Yeah it rhymes. I do not want to do in free form yet, I am not good(see 3 poems above), YET.

I'm baaaaack!

Did you miss me? Told you it's going to be a short while. Noticed anything different? Well, if you didn't

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!

But if you aren't a newcomer, I feel sorry for you, you are colorblind.

I asked an intern in PGH what options possible for my teacher are. My thoughts were correct. She needs to undergo dialysis until her departure. This is really expensive, and with a public school teacher's salary? I do not think this is a really good solution. Too bad we could never convince her to undergo transplant. And I just learned that those who undergo transplant only live for about 10 more years on average provided they follow their medication and have a healthy lifestyle. My other classmates visited her last week, I wonder what happened?

*Sigh* My parents didn't agree to subscribe to dsl. Look's like I'll be stuck with prepaid cards forever or until the likes of dsl becomes cheaper. I think those people can afford to lower their prices, they just do not want to. They do have monopoly of the industry so they are the one who set the prices, consumers have little say. I guess, I can survive on dial-up connection, I just need to download accelerators.

Looks like I was wrong again, we are not taking up 17 units this sem we'd be taking 19! I guess, it's all right but do they have to make a schedule so that we would be having lunch at an unholy hour. Lunch at 9, 2:30 or none at all? Hello! What would happen to my poor body! I am only 95 pounds! Why CRS gods! Why!

Wow! This post is full of bad news. This should not continue. Hopefully, the next days would bring in more luck. Maybe a spell will do the trick.

announcement

Won't be posting for a short while. My funds are running a bit low and my mother won't buy me new internet cards. But she did promised to subscribe to dsl and, hopefully, we'll be "connected" this weekend. In other news, I bought a new game and would be spending all my energy in playing it.

Whaaaat!?!

Depressed?! You of all people?! But it is possible. I am no psychologist. I'll ask someone, but who?! hmmm... I need to make sure. I have been experiencing those things for quite a while. Patawad po nagpapakaoti na naman ako.

It is so sad that one of my high school teachers is not feeling well. That's an understatement. She had(or has? hmm...) renal failure and desperately needs a kidney transplant. Problem is she doesn't want a transplant. It is because of her religion's belief. They believe transplants and transfusions are sins. I remember that lesson real well, she asked us if our loved one needs a blood transfusion and we are the only suitable donor would we give our blood. Of course, most, if not all, said yes. I think someone asked what's her answer and she replied that she wouldn't. It is a sin and believes that with our current technology, there are other alternatives. Maybe she is hinting already that she has a disease like that but of course we were too young or ignorant to realize that. I wonder if she gave that lesson to all the batches she handled since the start of her disease.

Truth is, news of her illness went around when we were in our third year. I dismissed it as temporary and she would get well soon, she is young and and is far far away from death. It seems I was mistaken. During our fourth year, rumors of her retirement and lightening of her load (she didn't became the adviser of avo1 that year) spread and those things were attributed to her illness. She is really young, about 30 or so. She has been teaching for more than ten years so I think she is not in her late 20's. We weren't really close, I was a really horrible writer back then (I think my work is now readable). And I wasn't really a bright student just dilligent, I remember the last comment she made on my journal was a wish. She wishes I become a better writer. I threw away that journal, it was crap and useless. Besides, I do not really feel comfortable becoming too close to teachers. (Here's another useless piece of information, my English periodical test scores were all horrible but my scores in the English parts of the college admission tests I took were great, one of the highest even, I wonder why)(Another thing, I am proud of my reading comprehension skills but these were not reflected in my periodical tests, I wonder why)

In case you become confused, she wasn't my adviser during my first year. Cla-cla! I urge you to contact her or your avo1 classmates for more details. Anyway, she rejects transplant. What would happen? I do not know, the only thing I could think of is lifetime dialysis which is really expensive and I am not sure what her disease is so there. I hope and prays she gets well, she's a damn good english teacher. She introduced me to the joys of "reading" novels and made us understand that novel, "To Kill a Mockingbird." That book is a must-read and read is carefully it is a book to be digested not just tasted.

GET WELL Ms. G!!! JUST GET WELL!!!

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The STDc members believe that I am too shy. SHY?! Well, I am still adjusting, just wait. Duty again tomorrow, I didn't like my experience in pedia but I can't spend all my time in the triage, what to do?!

Me and my Poop theory

I am in a self-loathing mood, again. I shouldn't be like this but I still am. Oh wow! An english post, I promise I will be careful with my grammar. PROMISE! If you're wondering why I am posting this way, it's because of the original J-Z.

Back to business. I think it started right after STD practice. I was horrible during practice I couldn't properly get the steps. Which was really weird, because I was taught only about4 eights during that time, a relatively(here's an assignment, post a smiley everytime you read the word "relative[ly]") small number if you consider the fact that during practice we usually learn about 10-12 eights. Maybe it's because we haven't practiced for about two weeks so my brain went on vacation and I need to summon it and that could take a while.

During these moods, I feel so inferior. I feel so useless. My work is crappy, or so I believe, and should be thrown away with my useless body into an incinerator and the ashes should be donated to the junkless junkies in rehab to help them recover. Did you get that? In summary, I feel like crap. What is the cause of all of this? I do not rightfully know. It just happens. I just ride it out hopefully I will get past it (and I usually do, it justs comes back once in a while). Don't worry, I do not feel suicidal, yet. I need a shrink. I just realized something. I have a kind of depression. I think we discussed it in Soc Sci, I forgot the name but the symptoms are the same, I'll check. Maybe that is why I am not gaining any weight. My friend is right, "it's all psychological." You should use that clause as a motto, everytime you fail something say "it's all psychological," everytime somebody needs comforting say "it's all psychological," if you feel sick say "it's all psychological." It seems escapist but in some situations it'll make you laugh. I know I have. Imagine saying that to a friend who failed in a math17 dep. *snort*

During these times it is comforting to talk to myself. Too bad I haven't bought a recorder yet so I haven't recorded my voice and with my memory so weak as it is all the fun stuff we talk about gets lost in my spit. It helps. It's like keepinga journal only the only physical evidence is saliva and maybe uber-tiny cracks on the wall formed by my voice (here's a weird fact, sharapova's scream is about 100 or so decibels the same as the sound of a plane landing or taking off). I usually do it in the bathroom or in my room, actually any place would do just as long only I would hear myself. The second floor of our house is usually my domain and I sometimes do it there, I also do it in my lolo's clinic at night(creepy huh?).

Before I decided to post today I was actually conversing with myself in the bathroom. That is howI developed my poop theory. Bathrooms are the best place in the house to do stuff a non-exhibitionist wouldn't normally do outside or in front of people. You could poop, pee and paint. You could sing and it actually sounds good(that is if your bathroom is tiled). You could talk to yourself and nobody would care because they would think you are just singing or the sounds would be garbled by the tap. You could do almost anything you want. It's nice. Just make sure you do not slip and hit your head and kill yourself or worse, be a vegetable.

Back to the theory. Ancient man's bathroom was everywhere and anywhere. If you want to go, then go. And they lived like animals with no culture or technology. Then they started "going" in more private places, maybe behind a treeor a bush. They started hiding this very natural act. Soon enough they think why not cover my genitals. And maybe use a plate, and spoon. And build my own house. Or invent something that would protect me. They became humans and, more importantly, sanitary. Catch my drift? This goes with the Biblical theory (It seems most of my theories have roots in the Bible. Where are my other theories? Secret.). Remember the story of Adam and Eve?

Speaking of the Bible. I should go. I haven't attended church in a long while. Maybe a religious event will stop this thing.

Ngaragers

Ang ngarag ko ngayon di ko alam kung bakit. Katatapos lang ng unang duty ko sa er bilang isang volunteer kaya baka iyon ang dahilan. Pero hindi naman nakakapagod sa triage at lalo naman ako hindi nandiri sa mga pasyente kasi relatively normal naman sila lahat. At wala namang namatay noong shift ko. Anu nga kaya? hmm... sana lang wala akong nakuhang sakit sa er kasi ayaw ko nga ng sakit. Hindi masarap ang feeling.

Di ko alam kung kailan ko naramdaman na ayaw kong nagkakalagnat. Alam ko kasi noong bata ako kapag may lagnat ako nakakatalon pa rin ako. Kahit nga noong nagkadengue ako nakakapaglakad-lakad pa ako bago umabot sa "critical-but-not-so- critical" stage, noong panahong iyon feeling ko lumilipad ako. Ang sarap na hindi kasi alam mo may sakit ka pero parang wala lang. Wala kang perception ng oras at ng space. Nagulat na lang ako nasa MCU na ako at may ginagawa sa aking braso. Tapos labasan ang mga pantal, nyek! Tusok ng injection, away-away ng onte magulang ko at mga hospital workers tapos tulog. Wow! Balikan daw ba ang nakaraan.

Ah...basta alam ko noong high school ako parang anlalala na ng mga lagnat ko. Tipo bang hindi na ako nakakatayo, ni kumuha ng tubig o kaya umihi. Hoy! Hindi ako umiihi sa kama, hirap lang ako tumayo at maglakad. Pero iyon nga binebeybi naman ako eh. Iyon lang ang gusto ko. Pero ayoko maging vegetable. Di pa oras, wala pa akong alam sa mundo.

May weird akong nararamdaman kapag nasusuka ako. Parang may taong pinapagalitan ako tapos biglang babait tapos magagalit. Simula pa noong bata ako ganun ang nangyayari. Hindi ko malarawan mabuti, matagal na kasi noong nangyari sa akin iyon. Baka ito isang event na nangyari sa dati kong buhay. Hmm...Maybe...

Anu kaya feeling kapag doctor na ako? Bakit ba ako nangarag? Ah ewan basta wag magkasakit. Bwiset na pROSE napapapost tuloy ako.

Finished but not quite...

I finally finished pressing out the kinks in this blog but not quite. Hopefully, I'll be able to do that during this week.

You'd think I'd have nothing to do this sembreak. You are sooo wrong! I might kill myself if I stayed in the house for more that three straight days without me being sick. Ah...disease and illness. I hate you both. But the recovered-but-still-recovering part of getting sick is quite nice. I feel good but I still get to boss people and act a bit like a baby.

Do I sound like a teenage girl? Answer me please! How can I change that? Or maybe English is really a woman's language but British English seems manly...hmm...so much for gay Brit jokes, we know now who's more ladylike.

Ayan magbalik sa Filipino. Pagod na ako. Di ko alam kung bakit. Nakalimutan ko na naman ata ang pakiramdam ng pamamasahe papuntang UPM. Wala naman akong ginawa dun kundi umupo at magpalamig. Sige iyon na muna ito ang aking first post sa blogspot. Congratulate me!

archive test

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test post

testing testing

Makatang Walang Magawa

Alam ko na ngayon ang feeling ng isang taong unemployed. Sembreak na namin eh pero may test pa. Actually, hindi pa officail sembreak pero pde na un isang test na lang naman. At wala kaming kaalam-alam kung paano sasagutan ang mga lalabas na tanong. Sariling kayod na naman ito.

Malamang nakatambay lang ako sa bahay. Walang ginagawa. Hindi naman ako kulang sa tulog kaya di ako natutulog buong araw. Malinis na naman bahay namin kaya hindi ako naglilinis. Aso lang ang kasama ko, gusto ko sana siya ilakad kaya lang mainit at mamaya naman marami nang tao. Tinatamad ako magPS at magPC buong araw, tipid dapat sa kuryente di ba? Walang pasok kaya walang baon. Ganito pala feeling ng walang trabaho, siguro sa iba ayos lang pero sa akin hindi. Kaya pinapangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako mawawalan ng trabaho o gagawin kapag bakasyon. Talagang magvo-volunteer na ako sa Pahinungod ngayong sembreak, kundi mamamatay ako dito sa bahay. Buti na rin pala may mga practice kami sa std ngaung sembreak. At buti na lang may summer class kami. Pero pano na pagnext summer? Hay nako.

Isang magandang bagay na dinulot ng pananatili sa bahay ay lumalabas ang aking "creativity." Nyek! Pero hindi naman kagandahan ng mga pinaggaggagawa ko. Kaya hindi ko muna ilalabas, tatago ko muna, aayusin tapos tsaka ko na papakita. Nakakapagpractice din ako ng sax. Sa wakas, kaya lang nahihiya na ako nambubulabog ako sa mga kapitbahay kong natutulog. Eh kasi naman eh. Wala lang nga eh kasi naman eh lang ako. Wala na namang patutunguhan itong sinusulat mo. Bukas pala bigayan ng classcards sa math17. Tsk. 2 lang! Ado ano ba yan! Fatetik ah! Bakit ba kasi hindi ka nagfinals eh di sana nagawa mo pang 1.25 yan kung swretehin ka bigla. Eh kasi sabi ng mga barya eh. O sige na nga.

Ang weird ng isang araw nagaatempt ako gumawa ng maikling kwento, syempre pinapupulutan ko ang aking buhay. Tapos hindi ko natapos. Pero iyong mga nasulat ko nangyari bigla. Weird pero hindi naman ako psycho este psychic kasi saradong-sarado at nakatahi pa ata ang third eye or sixth sense ko. Ayan tinakot ko na sarili ko. Gusto ko panoorin ung dubai para wala lang, tagal ko na hindi nagsisine.

Ayan tama na yan. Ang dami kong hindi nailalagay dito pero pde na yan, magtitira pa naman ako ng pantakip sa katawan noh. Peyups user na pala ako, ako si adoti. ang corny talaga mas maganda pang gamitin ko na lang totoo kong pangalan, hehehehe.

Wala na pala si Raquel at Bob sa Big Brother house. Si Raquel evicted, si Bob nagkasakit. Nyek. Napaghahalataan. Tugsh!

Si Komander Kontra

patawad walang matinong post eto n lng...

Si Komander Kontra

Katatapos lang ng rehimeng Marcos. Nagbalik na ang kalayaan sa bansa. Nagbabalik na sa dati ang iyong buhay. Pinapalakpakan ng buong mundo ang inyong nagawang mapayapang rebolusyon. Kala mo ay nasa mabuti na ang lahat. Lubos ka palang nagkamali. Buhay si Komander Kontra.

Sino si Komander Kontra? Siya ay isang karismatikong tao. Siya ay taong malakas. Siya ay taong hindi tinatamaan ng bala. Siya ay imortal. Siya ang taong matapang. Siya ang taong walang sinasanto. Siya ang Tagapagligtas. Siya ay ang lahat ng mga yan sa panananaw ng mga sumusuporta sa kanya. Kung di mo naman siya sinusuportahan. Siya ay brutal. Siya ay hindi tao. Siya ay baliw. Siya ay gago. Siya ay walang kwentang nilalang. Siya ay isang nilalang na masarap patayin sa pinakamasakit na paraan. Siya ay isang demonyo.

Ngunit sino ba talaga si Komander Kontra? Para sa akin? Ako ay hindi sumusuporta sa kanya, nasagot na siguro niyan ang tanong. Hindi siguro. Siya ang kontrabida sa pelikula kaya siguro ganyan ang kanyang asal pero natutunan ko sa panonood ng maraming palabas sa tv at pelikula at pagbabasa ng sandamukal na libro walang taong masama para sa kasamaan lamang; lahat ay may dahilan. Halimbawa ay ang madrasta ni Cinderella, naiinggit sila sa kagandahan niya kaya sila masama. Isa pa sa nobelang El Fili, parang ang sama-sama ni Simoun pero hindi bat naging ganyan lamang siya dahil sa masasamang nangyari sa kanya. Kaya napaisip ako? Bakit ganyan si Kontra? Anung nagpapatakbo ng isip niya? Hinintay ko ang sagot sa aking katanungan.

Nakita ko ito sa katapusan. Baliw nga talaga siya. Ngunit hindi iyon ang pinakaugat ng kanyang kasamaan. Isa siyang panatiko at may galit sa mga “duwag na intlektwal.” Sa kanyang “altar” makikita ang litrato ni Marcos at ng isang sikat na aksyon star, sa gilid naman ay ang maliit na istatwa ni Jesus. Isa sa mga huling linya niya ay ang pagaya kay Esper na sumali sa confradernidad ng Orapronobis, tuturuan raw niya siya ng mga dasal na gagawin siyang mala-imortal. Ano ang mga pinahihiwatig nito? Isa ba siyang tanga? Hangal? Baliw? May tama sa utak? Siguro sa mga standards natin ay oo. Pero hindi niya ito alam. Alam niya, tama siya. Tama ang ginagawa niya. Kung ganyan ang pagpapalaki sa kanya eh paano natin siya sisisihin?

Ngunit mali eh. Buti sana kung siya lang ang gumagawa niyan. Madali lang naman matalo ang isang nilalang na walang kakampi. Madali lang naman magpadala ng baliw sa mental. Pero nakaakit pa siya ng mga tagasunod, bunga siguro ng takot o kaya naman ng pangako ng kapangyarihan. Isa pa iyong mga prumoprotekta sa kanya. Pero hindi ba nila naisip na mali ang ginagawa nila? Hindi ba nila naririnig ang hinaing ng katotohanan? Huli na ng nalaman nila na niloloko lang sila, tutal hindi ko rin sila masisisi sa dami ba naman ng mga ginawa nilang kasamaan kapag lumabas ang katotohanan ay lagot sila. Ngunit wala pa lang katarungan sa mundo nila. Buhay pa rin si Komander Kontra. Totoo ngang hindi gumagana ang bala sa kanya.

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Ang pinakamatinding balita ngaung linggo? Uno ako sa nat sci I at 2 ata(83.8 ako sa math17. Baka di na ako mag-final sa math17 ang hirap kasi pataasin napakalaking sugal ito. Lumabas na rin pala ang sched nmn next sem, post ko na lang kapag tapos na ako magenrol. Registered na pala ako sa peyups. ako si adoti. Mag tetest pa ba ako? Ano! Sagutin mo ang tanong mo! Tinanggal na pala braces ko, retainers na ako next week, sana di magrelapse. Hindi pa rin ako magaling tumogtog ng sax, frustrated na talaga ako.

Long Time NO Post

Hay. Long time no post! Ang daming nangyari noong mga nakaraang araw.Grabe! Hindi ko na ikwekwento lahat. Iyong mga natatandaan ko na lang. May nagalit sa akin kanina. Hehe. Bala sya. Siya may kasalanan hindi ako, di dapat ginugulo ang taong inaantok/nagiisip. Wala nang galang-galang, kagalang-galang ba siya. Hay nako. Tama ba namang dito maglabas ng sama ng loob, wag na ado, sasayang ka lang ng atp.

Big news: I lost 3 pounds. Nako! Masama yan. Ika nga ng kaklase ko, anu na natira sayo? Natira? Utak! Joke! Pero malapit na naman ang sembreak ala nang puyatan, ala nang mga stressful objects and pipol, pahinga na lang. May practice pa rin pala kami sa std sa sembreak. Hay nako. Member na pala kami! FINALLY! Traumatic ang induction nila, pero masaya na ewan. Secret ko na kung anu nangyari, sali ka para malaman mo.

Nako! Nagpapahiwatig na ang Pahinungod. ER volunteer. Ayan na. Anu ba sasali ka ba? Hanap ka ng kasama, pero ok lng kung solo. maginquire nga sa martes. Finals na pala next week. Monday-5th dep s math, pasahan ng kom1 midterm, Tues-final sa soc sci 1, Fri-final sa math17 at nat sci1. Un pa lang alam ko. Parang tinatamad ako magfinal sa math17. Panu kaya to? Hindi, dapat ka magfinal, pampataas ng grade. CS dpt d b?
Bwiset yang enlistment na yan, ang papangit ng pe choices ko. Social dance, arnis at badminton. Nyek! SD at BD sawa na ko, arnis di ko masyado trip pero ok lang, sana tap dancing na lng. Hehehe o kaya modern jazz. Panu kaya malusutan to? Magtanong s OCS. Naiintindihan nyo pa ba ako? Pabayaan mo na.

Napansin ko may sira pala akong mga posts. At grabe, ang daming grammatical errors ng aking english posts. dapat magingat sa susunod. Nagloloko nga pala pc ko, madumi na raw kasi ung loob ng cpu kailangan palinis. Padadala ko sa pinsan ko mamaya. Hay nako. Hay nako. Hay nako.

Sige un na muna. Katatapos lang ng paggawa ng apat na essay sa histo1 kaya magulo ito. maghintay next week para makabasa ng post na matino.