Forgive me if I'll be sounding very grade conscious in this post.

So sad... I'm not recieving the University Scholar award this semester. I have to settle for the lower but still respectable, College Scholar award. Tsk... Goodbye consistent US achievement. At least, I still haven't received any grade higher than 1.75(2.00, 3.00, etc). I hope I can focus next semester and regain my US title and be one step closer to the magna award(I've computed my grades, I'll never become a summa.).

I'm back from Bohol. Skin-color still the same; didn't go swimming when the sun was out. It was nice. Expensive but nice. Story with pics later this week; I need to transfer it to my PC first. Man, my internet connection is so slow...

Bakit nila pinalaya si Erap? Hindi ko malubos maisip kung ano ang pumasok sa ulo ni pGMA at ibinigay niya ang pardon; pati nga si FVR, na isa sa pinaka-maipluwensiya niyang kakampi, ay tumututol dito eh. Lalo tuloy nadadagdagan ng ebidensya ang isang hypothesis na isa lang siyang presidenteng papet(pasista? hindi pa ata. pahirap sa masa? ewan ko, magulo ang masa, hindi nila maintindihan kung nahihirapan ba sila o hindi.) lalo na nang binanggit pa ito ng isang abogado na taga-usig sa kay Erap na malamang isang malakas na grupong politikal o/at relihiyoso ang pumilit kay pGMA na bigyan si Erap ng pardon.

Ang sakit kasi ng pakiramdam. Para kang ginahasa, sinaktan tapos sinabi na kasalanan mo at ginahasa ka. Hindi man lang nilagay si Erap sa totoong kulungan ni hindi nga siya nakatapak sa Bilibid. Pagpapahirap ba ang house arrest kung saan ang dami-daming luho; mga luho na hindi man lang nararanasan ng karamihan sa bansa. Bukod pa roon, parang malaya na rin siya dahil karamihan ng mga kahilingan niya na bumisita kay ganoon o ganyan dahil Pasko o kaarawan ay natutupad.

Masakit rin sa ulo ang mga katwirang ibinigay ni pGMA at ng mga sumusuporta kay Erap. Nakakawa?! Patawa ka! Matapos niyang magnakaw sa bayan, gastahin ito para sa mga luho niya at hindi man lang aminin na siya ay may kasalanan, patatawarin siya bigla? Matapos niya sabihin na ayaw niya ng pardon, bibigyan mo siya niyon? Ano naman kung matanda na siya? Ibig sabihin ba noon kapag matanda ka na pwede ka na gumawa ng krimen? Ang dami nga diyang mga lolo na nasa kulungan dahil ginahasa ang apo. Hindi ba't para niya na ring ginahasa ang bayan sa mga pinaggagagawa niya? Marunong naman kami maawa pero hindi naman nahirapan si Erap. Inuulit ko, hindi siya tumanda sa totoong prisinto at matanda na siya noong kinulong siya. At paano ngayon ang mga matatanda na nasa prisinto, iyong mga tumanda doon hindi iyong mga bagong pasok, ano na ang gagawin sa kanila? Buti sana kung bibigyan rin sila ng pardon eh. Pakiramdam ko hindi. At para lang maging makatarungan dapat matapos bigyan ng pardon ang matatandang iyon, dapat bigyan rin sila ng house and lot at kabuhayan showcase para lang matumbasan ang halaga ng pardon ni Erap.

Isa pang masakit sa ulo. Bakit nawawala ang mga demonstrasyon, mobilisasyon at mga protesta? Nasaan na ang mga balita ng malawakang pagkilos ng mga "kilusang makabayan?" Wala ata akong narinig at kapag hindi ko nakita sa TV, narinig sa radyo o nabasa sa dyaryo, hindi siya naganap. Ano naawa na rin ba sila? Nasaan na ba ang mga maboboka na tibak ng UPM? Bakit walang statement ang USC o ang Karatula o A-K? O baka dahil nasa Pedro Gil ako at wala sa CAS kaya wala akong naririnig pero parang malabo kasi kapag may walk-out kadalasan dadaan pa rin sila sa malapit sa amin at iikot ng UP-PGH. Baka naman nag-aaral? Kung may makakabasa nito at maiinsulto, patawad na lang. Bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan huwag magagalit.

I haven't been getting good and restful sleep these past days. I don't have troubling going to sleep, I just resume to constructing my fantasy world and before I know it I'm asleep. The problem is at around 4am I wake up or have these really fancy dreams. Usually, I like having dreams but these dreams do not let me rest. I now know how Egwene(the Dreamer in Wheel of Time) feels after Dreaming(prescient dreams).

Last night was especially tiresome(actually, it wasn't really night as it happened at around 5am), I actually dreamed that I was taking a very important test. The test itself wasn't hard; it was surprising that I know all of the answers. However, I wasn't taking the test seriously but I know it's a very important test. And I was yawning and taking my time for every question while all of my seatmates are trying to create fire using their pens and papers. Another funny detail is that I literally saw the clock moving at a very rapid rate and before I knew it, the end of the exam was near and I haven't answered anything yet! I then experienced astral projection(in the dream) wherein my awake self was screaming at my dream self to fucking hurry up. I didn't get to finish the dream because my alarm went off. It's a good thing though because I couldn't imagine what I'll feel after submitting those incomplete answers.

I know that I get these really fancy dreams when I'm feeling stressed but it is the sem break! It's supposed to be my rest and relax time. How can I get stressed out? Why am I stressed out? Argh...

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From jesusandmo...


From explosm.net...


Have fun!

It's rainy today. Cloudy, dark, cold and gloomy too. It's the kind of weather that you wish you had a cigarette with one hand and a bottle of strong alcohol in the other, then again, I don't smoke and I can't drink so I'll settle for a jacket. And smoking is bad bad bad for your health(and mine).

Any way, since we're mentioning smoking. At the jeepney stop and loading area, an old lady almost rode our jeepney. The problem is she just lit her cigarette. How stupid can you be? Lighting a cigarette then riding a jeepney. Granted many do it and they probably do not know it is illegal and downright annoying to the other passengers. They probably never heard of the saying, "One's freedom ends where the freedom of another begins." At that time, I was seriously contemplating whacking her with my umbrella if she even lands one foot inside the vehicle.

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I've been thinking how crappy sex education in the Philippines is. No wait, it's non-existent. I blame the Catholic Church. I guess it's the time for non-government groups to start acting(UP hello!!!!) on the problem. Even if its effect on population growth is negligible, its effect on the number of unwanted pregnancies(and abortion) and sexually-transmitted diseases would be more than enough reason to push it through. Still, the Church doesn't want it and believe that the modules tend to be pornographic and immoral. Yes and their anuses are sewn shut.

Maybe I should be more active in HySoc and try to make it as one of the organization's programs.

(edited, damn! I made some very stupid grammatical errors.)

Ang dami nangyari noong mga nakaraang linggo. Nanalo ng Nobel Peace Prize si Al Gore, nawindang ang medical community sa linya ni Teri Hatcher sa Desperate Housewives, tinawag na slut si Cory(good job! Daily Show), may sumabog na bomba sa Glorietta(9 ang patay ayon sa huling balita pero malamang alam mo na iyon), natapos na ang 1st sem(grades na lang), naayos ko na ang bagong itsura ng aking munting blog(na iilan lang ang nagbabasa) at marami pang ibang bagay. So? Wala lang. Gusto ko lang i-recap ang mga pangyayari.

Bakasyon na pero babalik pa rin ako ng UPM bukas. May training kasi kami sa StDC buong linggo at gagawa pa kami ng mga ka-tsenesan na gagamitin sa nalalapit na lantern parade. Sh*t! wala ako maisip na bagong steps, walang inspiration, nasaan na ba ang aking muse?

I tried disciplining my 2 year old godchild. Oh, I didn't spank him. I think hitting a child is the worst thing in the world, unfortunately, his parents seem to think otherwise. Anyway, so I tried the firm voice thing. No good, the only voice he's scared of is my father(come to think of it, all of my smaller cousins and relatives seem to be afraid of him. too bad, I haven't learned his technique... yet.). I tried showing him the the mess and telling him in a firmer voice to pick it up. Still no good. SO I used the stand-in-the-corner method. It seems to work but I think he thought it was a new game we were playing, too bad. Soon enough he started crying and calling for his mother. Yeah whatever, firm and strong discipline. No good. I returned him to the scene of the crime(the mess he made), still crying and not listening to my pleas but finally he did. Good kid but he still didn't stop crying. I just know he is going to hate me for that episode. Heh!

Lagpas 200 na pala ang posts ko... 203rd ko na ito. Ang galing tumagal ako hanggang 200+.

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Langya! Nababaliw na ako. Kasi kani-kanina lang, naisip ko, suot ko ba iyong relos ko at singsing? Tapos, tinignan ko kamay ko. Ala ako nakita at naalala ko na kakagaling ko lang sa banyo, baka naiwan ko. Kaya bumaba ako at pagdating ko sa huling step(ano ba Filipino nito?) ng hagdan, napansin ko na suot ko na pala ang relos at singsing ko. PI! Ano ba ang nangyayari sa akin?

Dagdag pa, kahapon napaghalo ko na ang binabasa kong nobela at ang aking buhay. Noong nagising ako mula sa aking siesta, naisip ko na ang mga "followers" ko inaantay ata ako gawin ang ritual na panggabi. Tapos naisip ko bigla, anong followers? Anong ritual? Ah... iyong sa Children of Dune! Syete!

Yey! New images! Good-bye crappy pseudo-pop art banner! Hello yellow dude in a white uniform!

It's still black. I'd want a green one but the win of La Salle is still too fresh in the minds of many people. Stupid UE...

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They stopped airing the Cinemalaya films on ABC 5. Drats! Last thing I caught was Mudraks. It seems like a modern take on the Mrs. Dalloway story(haven't finished the novel but heard about the plot), a good one and the acting was superb(I'm not an expert but I know really good acting when I see it). I just hope they're busy working out on the next season/crop of films they're gonna be showing next. I never manage to catch the films during the festival period and it really is a hassle to go to Diliman to catch only one film.

I really like this:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.(strike through's mine)

Except for the child of God and glory of God part, it is a really good thing to remember, especially during exam week. I first heard it in the movie, Akeelah and the Bee(nice feel-good flick) and was supposedly from Nelson Mandela who got it from Marianne Williamson.

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To anonymous: Mess = my grades. They're not so bad(at least, I'm not failing), just well below what I am aiming for.

I think I need a new color scheme and header. I really like this layout but the colors seem to depressing for my already depressed state. End of the sem blues...

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Aaaaargh!!! I wish I could make a time go a little faster. Then again, if I am able to make time go faster I wouldn't notice because I'm stuck in it. Or if I do step out of it, I'm gonna miss out on the experience I would have had going from time A to time B(also, means missing the important long exams and lectures). And do I really want it to be 2nd sem already? I haven't even finished cleaning up my mess from the 1st sem.

I'm getting grade-conscious again. It is not a bad thing in itself since students should really be conscious of their grades because it is somewhat a good measure if you are learning something or not. It is the ultra-competitive/every-one-is-my-enemy attitude that is bad. I've somehow learned to control it in high school and I wasn't really aiming for anything high during that time, I was happy to land any where but this time it's different.

I guess I should remember that my only competition is myself. As crappy and cliche as it is, it is true especially with the grading system of my school. I've decided way back that getting a grade of 2.0 and higher(meaning 2.25, 3, etc) is bad since it means I learned and mastered only 80%(or less) of the subject matter or at the very least, it will be perceived that way. The real reasons why I took the final exam in Chem 31 because I feel that I should test my true knowledge in Organic Chemistry and really get the grade I feel I truly deserve.

The point is this week I'm getting annoyed by the grades of other people and have begun monitoring the grades of other people as well. Why the fuck should I care if other people get higher grades than I do?! Based on my philosophy, I shouldn't , right? But I am caring and it really sucks. I guess it is the just end of the semester jitters because everybody is able to and computing their grades already. And if I want this to stop, I just have to will it to stop.

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Happy Banned Books Week Everybody! Too bad I'm stuck with the textbooks for this week(and the next one) so I'd probably not be able to join the uh... festivities.