If it hurts too much, you're probably doing it wrong.

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In other news, my maternal grandmother died last week. It is also the day Nelson Mandela died.

Protocol got approved!

Except I'd be showering in charts soon and not US dollars.

So I was de-stress-ing by browsing through grad school websites and stupid me decided to go and see how much attending these schools cost.

I now regret doing that as I realize there is no way I could attend those schools without a decent scholarship and massive tuition waivers. Or I could and be forever in debt to my parents.

One month away from the start of my elective period and my two proposals are still undergoing review. It's a good thing I can do one of the projects without ethics approval. I hope I'm not biting off more than I can chew. Aside from passing the review, there is a daunting task of collecting data from around 300 charts.

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Plans don't always push through especially if it is highly dependent on the participation of other people. I don't know why this certain plan not pushing through put me in such a bad mood. And I'm reminded once again that this shouldn't be too hard nor should it affect me this much. Stupid brain.

Drowning in research and TRP tasks. Wag na nga umasa maging stellar, okay na ang pass.

I still haven't gotten myself a copy of UDD's album.

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I am bothered that PGH fails to comply with many of PhilHealth's regulation. The most shocking discovery for me is that residents do not recognize the NBB and new case rates for emergency cases. This is stupid really because many of the cases covered by the new policy are emergency cases like appendectomy and CS. This is unacceptable. Is this a reflection of how ignorant MDs are of health insurance policies in the Philippines? Or a reflection on the inefficiency of the hospital PhilHealth office in ensuring coverage? As a paying member of PhilHealth, I demand full access to my benefits and not selective coverage because of the hospital's fault. And as a member of the health team, I am ashamed that PGH once again fails to serve the people properly.

I keep getting notices that there would be medical missions to different areas severely affected by the typhoon. I'm not a big fan of medical missions because they offer the same services the local health team can provide but in a big fancy attractive package. And now, I'm questioning the need to have medical missions for post-flood victims.

What problems do these flood victims have that require a team of doctors to go and provide medical services? I acknowledge that this is a tricky question. An area who experienced flooding during the heavy rains is different from a community who remains submerged days after the storm has passed.

Judging from one paper I found, the top morbidity causes among flood victims reflect the top consults in a local health center that is URTI, skin disease and hypertension. If this is the usual case, do were really need to conduct a medical mission every time a flooding disaster strikes an area? Do we need to deploy teams of doctors? If it were me, I won't. You would just need to establish a clinic with the disaster area, maybe temporarily transfer the center of operations of the local health team to the evacuation center. It could also be as in the case of the paper, a mobile health team that will go around the area to treat patients. The clinic or team would operate for the whole duration of time that the community is acutely recovering and will be removed once the formal health system is again capable of handling the health concerns of the area.

Actually, if the health facility and health team remains capable in managing the health problems, no medical mission should even be conducted.I think what we need are volunteers to conduct rapid assessments; a public health mission so to speak. This will ensure that the community and outsiders know what the community needs and we won't be wasting time and resources on frivolous activities such as medical missions.

so I've been neglecting my blog.

weekly community medicine reflections drain the desire to write more stuff.

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Got drunk yesterday and now I'm feeling itchy all over. not planning on drinking again, the buzz you get from alcohol is not worth the pruritus.

Apparently Introduction is the hardest part to write in a proposal. I miss having group mates that can write stuff for me and I'll just have to edit it. Of course, sometimes what they initially wrote is far from the final version but having some paragraphs to work on aids in the writing process.

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And the clock is ticking for this research project. I only have 4 months left to finish the paperwork and social preparation and not to mention that ERB approval. I 'm glad I won't have human subjects this time around.

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Community medicine rotation will start soon. I hope we do something substantial. Also, maybe I should change topics for my health policy elective. My preceptor wants me to write a policy analysis paper using the force field analysis. Unfortunately, my topic doesn't lend itself to that form of analysis.  

post duty monday

wasted an hour of sleeping time to read through someone's fb page.

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encountered a person in active seizures in the arms of his companion on the way home. being full costume tipped the bar and I decided to approach the pair. I asked the companion if he wants to bring the patient to the hospital and he replied that they've been to PGH and they were just driven away. He said they'll just wait for the seizures to stop and they'll be sent away again. Post duty status got the better of me. Instead of explaining about the limited admissions policy on Sunday, that of course you will be discharged once the seizures stop and that a person probably needs to go to the hospital if he's been seizing for around 5 minutes, I just asked, "Are you sure?" He said yes and so I replied, "It's your decision." So I just watched and waited for the person to stop seizing and once the seizure stopped, I walked away.

I know a better person would have convinced them to go to the hospital but I'm not that. Nor am I willing to be inflict a patient with an unwilling bantay into the PGH ER. The ER is still only working because of the willingness of many bantays to go the extra mile.

At the very least, I could have taken the post-ictus vital signs I guess and made sure the seizure didn't recur in the next 5 minutes. I could blame post duty status but I think I'm just really evil.

got my Tamron back. Urge to go on a photo-walk. Roxas seems like a nice place, I just need someone to serve as my guuard.

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I should email acta again. I haven't received any confirmation that they got the edited manuscript I sent

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The blood bank project will end soon and I can focus on the two projects I would need to accomplish by the end of internship.

So many things are happening outside PGH and I couldn't bring myself to care. Something is wrong.

Finished with IM wards. I would like to believe I did well. It's getting hard to ignore thinly-veiled attempts to recruit me into IM. I just cannot afford to spend any more time in the hospital when I am really sure that I do not want to spend a huge amount of my life as a clinician.

one more week then I need to don a white coat. goodbye well-hydrated cheeks, see you in July.

I step closer to that publication. I just don't have an idea how many more steps there are.

I'm happy to hear that the lab where we did our amoeba research got funding to continue what we started. Too bad I'm too "busy" to help.

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All the data is in for the other research project. I just have to encode, recode, clean and analyze. The encoding-recoding part is what's taking up too much of my time. And I still have to plan how to link four databases. Then again, I'm quite lost as to what form of data the PI wants.

went to a bar last night to listen to bands. there's always room for first time experiences even though I'm almost halfway through my 20s.

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Having my lens fixed is going to cost a lot. Money that could be used for hospital supplies or another trip. owell. Things you do for the things you love to do.

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I notice that my photos are becoming softer. They tend to look more like photos we took during the 90s with slightly off-focus and with fake colors. I like it.

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Been thinking that if I go into residency, I'll probably be too absorbed in my work and in my patients that I would just go home to take a bath.

updates:
-took my comprehensive exam and used at least 30 mins for napping during the tests
-got a good score in my comprehensive exam
-realized how many hours those days I forgot to sign the attendance sheet on time meant by the end of the year
-took my graduation photo even though graduation is still 1 year away
-went to Baguio after more than ten years and spent too much money on food
-got sun burn from bike riding at noontime
-went to La Union and got beaten up by waves
-got angry at someone with a surprising lack of social skills -slept for more than 8 hours
-watched Emily Owens
-got a crappy haircut
-cut my own hair
-compiled all the research-related stuff I have to do in the remaining days of my summer
-sent my Tamron lens to Japan for cleaning and repair
-agonizing over the 7K bill
-resolved to utilize the coop as much as possible to save money

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I will have to
-finish editing those Japan pictures
-finish encoding those files
-start recoding and data analysis
-send the reply to reviewers
-finish that high school graduation message
-convince my parents to buy a tablet for me
-update that tablet
-install all med apps I would probably need for internship
-buy stash
-draft learning contracts for my research elective
-contact my research elective coordinators -
start reading CPGs and Harrison's

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Here's to my last summer!

Four days to freedom.

There's a new movement to finally finish our HS yearbook and I've been asked to write a message to the graduating class. Of course, the copy of my graduation speech is now gone. Although there are vague recollections of the use of butterflies in that speech (blame As told by ginger). Anyway, I need to write a new piece. I'm not the best writer in our class, heck, I think I'm in the bottom half in terms of writing ability. The only reason why I have this task is due to my rank when we graduated. Well, I hope I can write a decent piece. I want an optimistic inspiring essay. I hope the IM ward rotation won't turn me into a sour old man.

So I learned what my rank in class is and more importantly, what my GWA is. Apparently, I should be studying hard this clerkship year. I have a really good reason to get good grades. Good = at least 1.75 and no grade lower than 2.0. --- So far, I'm not enjoying IM as much as I expected. Hopefully it will change once I get into the wards and not see ACS cases all day, everyday.

manners are important people. I'm happy I'm getting the chance to be alone in internship year.

The interns have started their countdown. I am not relishing the thought of returning to the wards this February with the Neuro-MICU-IM sequence and the need to seriously study for the finals. So far I have not been keeping up with my study schedule. But I am hopeful I can catch up during this emergency med rotation. I do not exactly know what my GWA is but if their is some hope of a latin title, I think I should give one final push. I would be more at peace with myself if I know that I made an effort to get good grades even if I fail to reach the target. And latin titles wouldn't hurt in applying for scholarships.

so many things to do after finishing med school...

Japan is still as beautiful as ever. I think I appreciate the Japanese people more after this 2nd visit, the food not so much. Maybe when I'm older I can try to get a job in the WHO office there. I hate it that the grad schools there for public health do not seem to be that great.