Circumstances might force me to skip the Tuesday conference tomorrow. Maybe I'll just sign the attendance and do some work. Sicko is a good movie but I've seen it three times already, I've had enough. I've already been reading on health equity papers that the movie may seem a bit shallow (but still powerful) already.

I'm just ranting because I have so many things to do.

But I think next week will be better. I always say that though.

Two modules left for the first semester and I'm already sick of learning about the human body. So far, I have yet to find proof that one needs to be a doctor to be qualified as a secretary of health or a health administrator. Why would you even need knowing which parts are destroyed during surgery if you won't be performing that any time soon or in the future after internship? I'm still dead set on what Dr. Galvez-Tan calls "the path less travelled." For me it is public health work focusing on ensuring health equity through efficient systems and maybe, quality of health human resources. Or if I find some opportunity, establishing good patient databases and registries which would increase the rate of research in the Philippines.

What I think I should learn more is how to communicate in English. Articulate my thoughts fast enough that I can form them into coherent paragraphs, orally that is. And maybe a new computer language or how to design and create an online and/or digital database.

I was happy to learn that there are faster ways of getting into health organizations (not hospitals... duh!) rather than working through a residency program.

I heard Noynoy Aquino proclaim that his parents, Ninoy and Cory, were just ordinary people who did their jobs. That is just so wrong. If they just did their job, Cory would have remained a housewife and Ninoy would probably still be alive. The Aquinos might be one of the most hated families in Philippine history for giving up on the fight for democracy.

And that "there's a small Ninoy in all of us" is BS. Ninoy in us is so tiny we are rendered unable to do any thing except for pseudo-nationalistic entrepeneurial ventures which is a lame ass attempt to boost nationalism among Filipinos. An empty nationalism which is very near the white supremacist creed. Filipinos are great can easily turn into Filipinos are the greater than other nationalities just because they are Filipinos. Fortunately, we don't have a twisted leader who'll turn us into the next generation Nazi force.

I'm dreading the upcoming exam in Anatomy.

Somehow, I keep on underperforming or underachieving... whatever. I don't like my new found (what I see) mediocrity. Something I've wanted in the past but I now hate to have. That was a time when my dreams were small, tiny and selfish. My dreams are still selfish but grander and I can't achieve that easily if I don't do better in med school.

Still haven't failed an exam though which is a small achievement I guess.

And I hate how med school (curricular and extra-curricular) is eating up my spare time. I'm finding it hard to picture myself being a commuter for the next four years.

I finally landed my first tutor job but I had to give it up. With the demands of med school and my inability to let go of extra-curricular activities, I just had to. It seems that I'll still be mooching off my parents and plans for buying a news lens or an analog camera by Christmas would not be happening.

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Yesterday instead of studying for the big test on Monday, I attended a day long seminar-workshop on health. I ended up as a participant instead of a facilitator but whatever. It was painful to have a group discussion which you could have easily dominated. We didn't use meta-cards so it was much harder to extract ideas from the other participants. However, I am happy to see some people now know about the intricacies of health and the Philippine Health system. I'm sad though that they're pessimistic about health system reform... disempowered seems to be a good word.

I have a busy week ahead and I have to work more to pull up my grades. They're not very pleasing.

Sample exams.

I feel bad about having to use them.


Grades don't matter too much in med school, as long as you pass is the objective. Despite this, I still felt the need to use the samplex.

It bothers me why I have to resort to sample exams. Do I fear failing the exam? Or, do I fear that my exam scores won't be high enough to achieve my goals? Or worse, am I being competitive again and fear the "just average" label?

Why can't I at least have "pure intentions" regarding samplex use?