Yesterday was such a long day.
Morning was the Biochemistry/Immunology/Molecular Biology/Physiology exam.
It left us tired but it wasn't over yet.

We still had ward work and most of us felt the need to crack open a few transes.

Our group came early. We finished performing the neuro exam but our consultant didn't arrive until much later. So we loafed around.

While other groups are happily leaving the wards.

She finally came, ward work ended and off I went to the Mooncake party hosted by UP Meridian.

And no I am not a member of this org.

Did end up helping a bit though.

We ate, talked and fell in line for the Dice game.

So that's the last day of classes for me. Next week will just be exams, more exams and a proposal waiting to be finished and bound.

And blogger is finally fixed.

Blogger is still messed up. If this doesn't resolve I might have to move.

Taking tests for stuff you know you know enough sucks. Seeing the scores suck even more.

I'm really eager for the end of this semester. But sem break is starting to sound less of a break and more of time spent catching up on stuff I need to do.

Two of the mangas I follow just ended.
I really don't mind Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles ending because it's giving me a headache but Nodame Cantabile!
Why? This sucks... I'm sad. The ending was really nice but it's just so unexpected. *sigh* Nodame hasn't even performed a real concerto with Chiaki. Aargh...
Okay, I'm pathetic.

So IE works fine but Firefox doesn't.
From the forums, google chrome doesn't work either.
Is this just a ploy?

Why is blogger being twisty and difficult?

I've been reading a lot.

but I am Deprived of the pleasures of reading.

Reading for pleasure. I miss you so.

It's not helping that I have to pass through National Bookstore everytime I go inside Robinson's.
It's not helping that the shelves have recently been restocked with new titles, new editions and oh so pretty book covers (yes, I'm shallow...)

I need to drown myself in new novels this sembreak.

School will start again on Monday. My attempt to finish our proposal failed due to uncooperative groupmates. Some had valid reasons, others I don't know... I think they're just being irresponsible (would it kill them to reply to my text message?).

On the other hand, I spent too days helping out in the UPM relief efforts although I didn't participate in the distribution and med missions. I'm still a med mission virgin. Yes! Judging from the stories from other people, the med missions didn't just serve to meet the health consequences of Ondoy. They provided means for people who have no money or time to consult a health professional regarding their diseases. It was a bit funny (I'm twisted, ok?) to hear that one of the leading morbidities in a med mission was hypertension. Hypertension. Disasters don't result in hypertension. A single butter-laden meal doesn't cause hypertension. Funny, right? Just shows how poor the health system is in encouraging people to get their yearly check-up or at least visit the health center for illnesses (granted, HPN can be asymptomatic).

Also, Red Cross can be sexist. They have this policy of excluding females from tasks which involve carrying heavy objects such as sacks of rice. How they could be so backward is beyond me but then again, it is a Filipino-run organization so maybe. Doesn't erase the fact that it is a stupid policy. I really don't want to hear that lame argument of males being stronger than females. Individual females may be incapable of carrying a sack of rice but there is nothing that will prevent them from working together or using machines (wheels, levers, etc), right?

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I also went skating last Friday. It was really nice to have a nearly empty rink. It was cold. There was a mist. And you could go faster and do more things without worrying about hurting someone. I should do it again but I have to come on a weekday though.

Spent a good part of the day repacking stuff and will probably be doing that again tomorrow due to the whole week suspension of classes in UPM.

There were too many people for the available tasks. When a shipment of stuff appears, it takes less than 30mins to repack all of it. People who volunteered for Red Cross say there's also a surplus of volunteers. Methinks a volunteer network/sign up tool should be created, at least for UPM. I know there's Pahinungod and virtually every College has the SC and an org for this kind of thing but there's this issue of coordination and resource (in this case, volunteers) allocation. How many and what kind of people (skills, experience, preferences) should be deployed to volunteering sites such as repacking areas, Red Cross/Crescent chapters, whatnot are things the coordinators would be tackling. I'm all about efficiency and maximizing the use of the volunteers' skill set. Besides, the time we spend waiting for new stuff to arrive could be spent in other ways.

I am truly amazed at the level of mobilization in the NCR right now. Milenyo and the other storms didn't generate this level of concern and activity. I don't know if this is the effect of direct damage in the NCR(literally every NCR resident was a victim or was close to someone who was a victim of Ondoy), the high coverage of the media or finally a tangible effect of all those "hip" commercialist nationalistic drives featuring fashionable accessories, shirts and whatnot (in fairness to those efforts, "pirated" versions of their merchandise has become widely available).

Facebook or multiply groups with sign-up applications. Mobile and SMS technology could also be used. Maybe I should suggest it to our formations committee.

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In the meantime, I've stopped studying for exams and resumed watching series online. Yey early sembreak. Too bad we have tests and a proposal to look forward to the next weeks.

 Bayang Pilipinas, utang muna ako ng aking oras. Marami pa akong dapat gawin. Oo na, masama na akong tao.

Because I don't know how to say no, I ended up walking from Monumento to Balintawak* fighting the wind and the rain with a broken umbrella. I also had to endure a full bladder.

The experience was so horrible I was tempted to pee in my pants. I figured no one will notice anyway. Luckily there were still some open establishments in EDSA and I managed to relieve my bladder.

However, I still had to contend with a broken umbrella.

Did I mention I had my camera and cellphone with me? Thankfully,  my mother bought a Logitech camera bag for it so it remained dry while I was wet, cold and numb.


The experience really tested my character. In one of the events I attended today, we talked about peace, war and conflict. I think I now know a little about the suffering they endure. Of course, their suffering is a thousands or a millions times greater but now I know what real suffering is.

The moral is when the weather bureau tells you that there's going to be a storm on a certain day, stay at home regardless of other commitments you have. But if you do that, you'd have one less funny story to tell your descendants.

And I really am grateful for having a home on a higher region where flooding remains a foreign concept. The highest "flood" we ever had barely reached my ankles and that is only on certain areas of the road. I feel sorry for those living in the lower regions though. Some residential areas are severely flooded and some are nearly underwater. Roads have submerged Balintawak has turned to a lake and Taft cor P.Gil waters achieved a new record: waters reaching up to the thighs (I heard one person say "abot panty.")

* - Actually, I walked a few more kilometers to Balumbato but you probably don't know where that is.

September is fading into October. I feel the end of this semester. Rhyme unintended. But seriously, I'm starting to feel that burst of energy one feels when a semester nears its end. I'm starting to adjust to not getting the scores that I want. And I'm starting to realize that research would be really good place to be in.

I've already achieved to of my objectives for this year: organize an event and work with disorganized people. Oh how I regret making that a 2nd objective. It's such a pain to work with those people. However I'm starting to find people I know I would love to work with in group projects. It's just too bad that many of these people are alphabetically too distant from me.

It sucks that I have to bring our mercury sphygmomanometer to school tomorrow. Have they forgotten how hard and dangerous to lug that mercuy bomb around?! And I don't understand why EVERYONE has to bring a BP App for the physiology exercises.

And I've got my lowest grade yet and for a subject I figured I'd be better at.

And my classmates still keep some respect for me, despite my subpar performance. It boggles but it's nice to retain a bit of clout.

So my Lolo (the non-MD) died a while ago. I'm okay. We weren't too close. I visited him in the hospital yesterday and watching him was painful. I wouldn't want to live that way nor would I want him to live in that state. He did have a full life unlike my Lola who died abruptly.

I do hope that my Lola(the one who is alive) is okay and will live for a longer time. I want her to see me get my MD and my take my oath as a registered physician.

I've been working on the training kit we'll be using for a seminar on the Mindanao situation. Looking and scanning through articles, I realize how messed up the conflict in Mindanao is. It's so sad that the Philippines really seem to be "running in place." Unfortunately, here in Manila we are too caught up in other issues to notice. Hopefully, we'll hear the strategies of the "presidentiables" for Mindanao in the coming campaign period. I doubt Noynoy has something though (noynoy bashing. hahaha) much less Erap (hahaha). Oh well, I'll give them time to formulate their strategies and wait for the debates.

Forgot to send something important.

Reading up on methods for cancer research.

Body aching from that training session.

Sleep deprived.

Another whole day exam looming... looming... looming.

Ah med life.

Another holiday spent studying. Not really...

Ok, pGMA is totally whack and being such a kiss-ass to the huge INC faction. Really, she should know that her support for a candidate is a curse rather than a boon. Even giving a holiday will probably fail to convince the INC leaders to command their followers to vote for GMA's bet.

Such stupid reasons for declaring a holiday really. I don't remember devoting a holiday for Cardinal Sin who is a the leader of the church of the overwhelming majority. I don't ever remember devoting a holiday for the death of a muslim leader. Really...

Okay, with that out I am kind of thankful of the holiday because it gave yet more time to study os201.

I've danced on stage again. I like how people are congratulating me on my performance but I don't want to perform again any time soon. I tend to stress about the performance for days. Not good, not good at all.

In other news, our Biochem exam got moved again. Now I have to study real hard. Hahahaha. No more excuses for getting a not so good grade.

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The Noynoy thing? How come I only learned he was a senator after Cory's funeral? WTF was he doing the past years? What law or program could he proudly stamp his name unto? Sorry Mr de Quiros but a person not wanting the presidency means he knows he is incapable of it. Don't go into the romantic BS. I also believe that Power attracts the corruptible but the presidency is such a big deal that he or she needs to have at least a vision and strategy for the country outside of motherhood statements such as no more graft and corruption or no more poverty.

And another Aquino in leadership roles reeks of Trapos and Political dynasties. Leadership doesn't necessarily run in families. I don't remember him being very vocal about national issues. If Noynoy were like Ninoy or Cory, I'd have heard of him somehow.

No desire, no vision, no to Noynoy.

Circumstances might force me to skip the Tuesday conference tomorrow. Maybe I'll just sign the attendance and do some work. Sicko is a good movie but I've seen it three times already, I've had enough. I've already been reading on health equity papers that the movie may seem a bit shallow (but still powerful) already.

I'm just ranting because I have so many things to do.

But I think next week will be better. I always say that though.

Two modules left for the first semester and I'm already sick of learning about the human body. So far, I have yet to find proof that one needs to be a doctor to be qualified as a secretary of health or a health administrator. Why would you even need knowing which parts are destroyed during surgery if you won't be performing that any time soon or in the future after internship? I'm still dead set on what Dr. Galvez-Tan calls "the path less travelled." For me it is public health work focusing on ensuring health equity through efficient systems and maybe, quality of health human resources. Or if I find some opportunity, establishing good patient databases and registries which would increase the rate of research in the Philippines.

What I think I should learn more is how to communicate in English. Articulate my thoughts fast enough that I can form them into coherent paragraphs, orally that is. And maybe a new computer language or how to design and create an online and/or digital database.

I was happy to learn that there are faster ways of getting into health organizations (not hospitals... duh!) rather than working through a residency program.

I heard Noynoy Aquino proclaim that his parents, Ninoy and Cory, were just ordinary people who did their jobs. That is just so wrong. If they just did their job, Cory would have remained a housewife and Ninoy would probably still be alive. The Aquinos might be one of the most hated families in Philippine history for giving up on the fight for democracy.

And that "there's a small Ninoy in all of us" is BS. Ninoy in us is so tiny we are rendered unable to do any thing except for pseudo-nationalistic entrepeneurial ventures which is a lame ass attempt to boost nationalism among Filipinos. An empty nationalism which is very near the white supremacist creed. Filipinos are great can easily turn into Filipinos are the greater than other nationalities just because they are Filipinos. Fortunately, we don't have a twisted leader who'll turn us into the next generation Nazi force.

I'm dreading the upcoming exam in Anatomy.

Somehow, I keep on underperforming or underachieving... whatever. I don't like my new found (what I see) mediocrity. Something I've wanted in the past but I now hate to have. That was a time when my dreams were small, tiny and selfish. My dreams are still selfish but grander and I can't achieve that easily if I don't do better in med school.

Still haven't failed an exam though which is a small achievement I guess.

And I hate how med school (curricular and extra-curricular) is eating up my spare time. I'm finding it hard to picture myself being a commuter for the next four years.

I finally landed my first tutor job but I had to give it up. With the demands of med school and my inability to let go of extra-curricular activities, I just had to. It seems that I'll still be mooching off my parents and plans for buying a news lens or an analog camera by Christmas would not be happening.

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Yesterday instead of studying for the big test on Monday, I attended a day long seminar-workshop on health. I ended up as a participant instead of a facilitator but whatever. It was painful to have a group discussion which you could have easily dominated. We didn't use meta-cards so it was much harder to extract ideas from the other participants. However, I am happy to see some people now know about the intricacies of health and the Philippine Health system. I'm sad though that they're pessimistic about health system reform... disempowered seems to be a good word.

I have a busy week ahead and I have to work more to pull up my grades. They're not very pleasing.

Sample exams.

I feel bad about having to use them.


Grades don't matter too much in med school, as long as you pass is the objective. Despite this, I still felt the need to use the samplex.

It bothers me why I have to resort to sample exams. Do I fear failing the exam? Or, do I fear that my exam scores won't be high enough to achieve my goals? Or worse, am I being competitive again and fear the "just average" label?

Why can't I at least have "pure intentions" regarding samplex use?

I just got my book from Pfizer:
"Moments in Leadership: Case Studies in Public Health Policy and Practice"

I'm thinking this will keep me sane through first semester. I'm also hoping that this will assure that I never lose my PH way of thinking (health systems, cost-effectiveness, consequences).

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Only a few in our batch passed our Gross Anatomy exam. I'm not confident that I passed after realizing the number of trick questions that were included.

When you fall down, you pick yourself up and stand again... wiser and stronger.

It's okay if I fail but it'll jeopardize my desire to be eligible for the Track B internship in my 5th year. Then again there's always the final exams.

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In other news, I'm sorely disappointed with one of my extra-curricular activities. Poor organization. Whatever happened to the vision of a 5-star physician? Doctor nga wala namang alam sa mundong ginagalawan. Ano ba yan?!

Studying the intricacies of the hand. Anatomy doesn't scare me much anymore. I hope that is still the case after the exam tomorrow. Surprisingly, Histology is starting to bare its nasty claws again but I think it's just my stupid pride.

No classes on Monday. Another sad day for med students. Though I dislike dissection sessions, I do not want to sacrifice on due to the celebration of a religious group. Stupid group who has to hold their celebrations on a workday. But it was quite funny to read the thinly veiled attempts of CHED to decrease the number of people who will attend the SONA rallies. I'm not going because I have a test on Tuesday which I need to prepare for really well. And as I was listening to the reasons of DepEd, I suddenly found myself transported to a communist country where people have to stop working to listen to the speech of our great leader. Hohoho!

Very hot and humid weather.

I really hope it starts to rain again soon.

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The past week has been though on my body. I'm not sick just very tired physically. We had three dissection sessions this week involving skinning the body, removing fascia and looking for different anatomical structures. I like dissecting though because there is great fulfillment in finding that tiny structure hidden under a pile of connective tissue, fat and muscle. And what's better is scary structures stop being scary because I can now visualize them in my head and have felt them with my hands.

The really bad thing though is the formalin. It makes you cry. It makes you nauseous. It makes my nose runny and painful.

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I've volunteered for something big. I'm excited. Will tell more once, I'm done with it.

http://www.bulatlat.com/main/2009/07/19/lohika-ng-rali/2/ - Warning: Nosebleed Filipino for the uninitiated

Basically, he says that rallies are the best exercise of activism. For even though the success of the rally couldn't be proven or measured, the participants feel that it is a success. A collective experience of releasing pent up anger and thoughts. A sense of empowerment. A feeling that one is able to do anything.

Now for the more practical among us, rallies are inefficient (though can be highly effective) ways of raising demands. I tend towards the advocacy over the activism side because of this. I find it really hard to participate in something so inefficient, something messy, disorganized and an activity largely fueled by emotion rather than actual contemplation.

The author is bothered why there are few UP students who have attended rallies. He argues that the liberal education and liberating education, we should have experienced or should be experiencing would necessarily lead us to see that rallies are good tools for raising our voices and promoting change. Again, a myopic view of liberal and liberating education. Of course, it is entirely plausible UP is failing to liberate the minds of its students which should then entail curricular revisions and changes in the teaching methods used.

Went to Cinemalaya Cinco.

Watched Sanglaan (meh... just okay overall) and Last Supper No. 3 (frustrating, hilarious and with a hint of sadness).

Saw Mylene Dizon who became so much hotter all of a sudden after years of disappearance. Sorely tempted to get her autograph. Hello? Star of 100?

Sorely tempted to steal a photo from an interactive art exhibit. Just might do it tomorrow.

I really want to watch Engkwentro but most of it's show times are inaccessible for me unless I skip the Acquaintance party on Friday. hmm...

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Designing health education materials again. I really don't like this task; too many art components for my taste.

I'm going to have a very interesting Friday next week. I'm really excited.

Life has been slowly moving towards a routine or some semblance of order at least. I'm still wary of the upcoming curve ball that will make life more interesting.

better if I had wider lens...hm...

I don't know why I keep taking down notes in class. I almost never read them unless the transcriptions are really bad and even then, I'd consult the books first. It's even bad for the environment in way because I use up paper and ink.

I maintain that it's primary use is to keep me awake through class. Then again, note taking is still not enough during siesta period where I end up dozing off while jotting something down.

It's not for practicing my handwriting which has been sucky since forever.

I would like to believe it's helpful in synthesizing and integrating knowledge and concepts. I especially like it when majority of my notes are diagrams and drawings. If you can make it into a diagram or drawing, you know and understand it. Of course, diagrams have limitations but I have my brain to fill up those missing pieces and contradictions.

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My love for photography has returned. Last night I spent a good hour in post-processing and uploading pictures. It's so therapeutic. Looking at pictures you took, discovering the beauty it contains. *sigh*

I don't have fisheye lens or a lomo can. Just played around with a lomo viewfinder.

ps
The thing about OSI curriculum demanding that you read multiple books for one lecture: It's true. I'm juggling three books right now.

Our neuro exam results came out.

Surprisingly, I got a really good grade. It's good because it means that I will be able to maintain a respectable GWA. It's bad because I suck at anatomy and I still got that grade.

And I know that knowledge on those anat structures will be really handy in the higher physio portion so I should remain on my toes regarding neuro.

First OSCE next week. I'm excited.

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Had my first ever group photowalk. It was nice, shooting in groups. Next time I'll get more shots of people.

I feel so tired.

I have been participating in extra-curricular activities throughout my four undergraduate years. I can't remember of a week I have been a full-time student devoted only on academics except during finals season. Even my sem and summer breaks have been used up. Yet I still do it.

In med school, I have to face that fact that I need to devote more time to study. I already sacrificed my fitness and exercise time. I don't want to sacrifice my extra-curriculars. I'm so torn. Could I survive being a very active member of 5 organizations, two are university-wide orgs. When I look at my schedule, Sundays are the only days left for rest and relaxation. I have to give up something but I don't know what.

Woke up with a throbbing headache and a sore body.

The soreness I don't mind much because it will force me to do stretching exercises which I need to do more.
The throbbing I do mind. A lot. I didn't even had the appetite to eat breakfast. And since I had to take this medicine which makes me drowsy I ended up studying very little this morning.

I noticed I get sick after going to mass. Therefore, I should stop. Hahaha.

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Religious: I work towards getting out of this world whole and get into heaven.
Atheist:  I work to stay in this world for as long as possible in order to turn it into heaven.

Random question: Who pays for the hospitalization and medical check-ups of president GMA?

If it is from the tax or part of her presidential health plan then why does she keep on availing services in the expensive private hospitals like St. Lukes and Asian Hospital? Does this health plan cover ALL of her expenses or has a limit (like in PhilHealth)?

If she is the one who pays for it, then okay. Go spend your money but the annual pay-check of a president doesn't leave room for executive check ups or 3-day holidays in private hospitals.

shet. wala talaga akong kwenta sa gross anatomy. Batuhin mo ko ng slides. Ibabad mo ako sa harap ng microscope buong araw. Huwag mo lang ako pilitin na mag-aral ng gross anatomy. Buti na lang matino ang aming lecturers (although may isang parang hinahabol at isa namang may sleep inducing voice) at ang kanilang slides. At mabuting-mabuti na may ka-grupo akong taga-Psych na previously exposed sa gross anatomy ng brain.

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Kailangan ko na talaga bawas-bawasan ang aking extra-curricular activities. Hindi dapat ako ginagabi ng uwi araw-araw.

Well, I don't go after religion but if I ever do this might be the best reason I would be able to muster.

"I go after religion because it represents a particularly nasty form of tribalism, a set of beliefs that distinguish some human beings that are in any meaningful way indistinguishable on the basis of what superstition they hold....It (religion) erects artificial barriers between people and then attacks those on the other side of the barrier. As a form of tribalism, religion is frequently deadly and can't be broken of its vicious habits." Freethinker Sunday Sermonette, Revere

Besides, my immediate social circle are devout but benign enough. And I value friendship over my personal beliefs unless of course those friends are starting to trample on someone else's freedom.

I always thought I'd meet more non-religious people in med, I guess I'm wrong or I'm just not looking hard enough.

I've been grappling with flu-related tinnitus. It's such a pain. I blame it for the lurking headache I have all day.

It seems that I've infected two members of our household: my dad and my cousin. I pity my mom, she'll be playing nurse again next week.
---

Oh nose! Here comes cardiac arrest again. Which is a cause but not really the cause of death. As our epid prof has told us, most of us will die of cardiac arrest whatever the real cause is.

So the aH1N1 pandemic is not likely it release its grasp on the Philippines with community transmission now ongoing even outside the greater manila areas (albeit, in pockets of areas). Ease of transmission combined with low case fatality makes for a long lasting epidemic. I subscribe to the deadlier the disease, the shorter the epidemic theory.

Anyway, DOH and all true health advocates should take this opportunity to finally get people to have better health practices. Handwashing and responsible coughing are really good habits to learn. Establishments should start to realize that soap dispensers should contain actual soap, not colored water. And finally, the DOH and BFAD could start their crack down on the food supplement business which has been manipulating people into believing their crap for so long now. I was happy to hear last night that the Sec Duque of DOH has finally released a stern and clear statement about food supplement companies claiming their products could cure aH1N1.

Hopefully, DOH realizes that the biggest mistake they had was being too lax on these companies. PITAHC which is a research arm of the DOH for alternative medicine should start doing its job of researching the validity of these claims. And the simplest thing they could do is to start using Filipino or Cebuano or whatever labels instead of the No Approved Therapeutic Claim one. I suggest, Hindi Napatunayang Nakakagamot but Hindi Nakakagamot is also fine and much shorter.

I'm so tired even though this week has been light compared to the usual load in PH with Std practice. I don't even dance much during trainings now. My lifestyle has turned sedentary. Maybe I should try running around campus or playing tennis more regularly. I'd have to find free time though because the only days left for me are Friday and Thursday afternoons. And I feel the lack of sleep already. damn...

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Cutting classes. Responsible cutting that is. If we're going to watch Sicko, I'll definitely ask our preceptor for a different activity or have that time for self-study.

Do it or not?

I've already done the necessary work so I could skip one activity.

Dammit!

Two days in CM.

First day was a full day topped off with stdc practice. So much for saying goodbye to extra-curriculars right?
I've been spending much time walking through Lara hall. I still haven't gotten over the fact that the CM is my new home now. And no new friends yet, maybe I shouldn't spend lunch alone. It is not helping that my seatmates do not initiate conversation. I sound like a whiny kid.

My body clock was disrupted by waking up at 5 am for the first day. I'm starting to appreciate power naps again. My naps during the 2 week vacation were longer and left me lethargic, not energized.

Second day was less academic. I tried doing the homework but the doctor wasn't in. Sucks. Good thing next Wednesday is Manila day so I have time to go to the BHC again. I talked in front of a large crowd. I hate it, my hands were shaking and everything. My voice was okay and so was my posture. Actually, everything was okay, I was even doing the sweep the room thing except for my visibly shaking hands.

I attended another organization meeting and volunteered myself to do more things. Yep, I'll always be going home late. Good luck studies right?

Add to the fact that all four BSPH magna cum laude graduates before us were able to get the US title during their first year in medicine. Crapola! I don't need that. My inner judge is sadistic enough without that fact.

We were in San Juan and a relative of our foster family had a trigonometry exam the next day. It was really bad because he doesn't only have a good grasp of basic algebra (crucial for trigo) but also has problems understanding the problems themselves. The problem set he was answering were naturally in English. He didn't even know what a ladder or a lighthouse is. Given that a beginner usually needs to draw a trigo problem before solving it, he was almost a hopeless case. I understood then why many people prefer to teach in science high schools or UP than in other places.

I finished watching Daria. All 5 seasons and the 2 movies.
I finished watching Iryu. Both seasons.

I feel so empty inside.
Now what am I going to do?

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The two things where I vent my creative frustrations have failed me. I feel so bored again. Photography has not be pleasing me and I feel to lazy to look for good things to shoot. Dancing is fun but I'm still not excited enough to create a new one minute dance routine. I do hope school would shake things up. I sorely need inspiration and motivation for creative pursuits.

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I've stopped working on two side projects because I need feedback for the first one and data for the other one. I'm afraid the efforts for the first would be in vain if it is not approved first and the second, well, I just hate having to go through debates with just ideology on hand.

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I finally realized what is wrong with those herbal quacks. Yes, quacks. They argue on the basis of ideology and never on the basis of practicality, much less truth. Imagine having to spend ten times the amount of conventional therapy in order to cure a disease and the only reason for spending that much money is not effectiveness rather because these products are all-natural, good for you or some other crap which makes my head hurt. Yesterday I heard a truly ignorant person saying that herbals are not chemicals. That they grow plants without chemicals. Right, water is not a chemical. So is oxygen and carbon dioxide. So is the urea which plants utilize. These people believe that there is that extra something in naturally made compounds that gives them an advantage over synthesized compounds despite both having the same structure, electron configuration, existing within the same universe.

DOH and BFAD should really put a stop to this. That same person also do not want his herbal supplements become medicines as this would then need the approval of doctors to be used. He says this even though he promotes this product as a CURE for diseases, yes not just one but all diseases. Uh huh. And it will also mean that you have to conduct clinical trials to prove their safety and then their efficacy. You really don't want that given that your product probably doesn't work and contains carageenan-coated compost.

Initially planned to do the homework this morning but didn't. Stupid me forgot tomorrow is a holiday and the health center will probably be closed. Stupid stupid. I still have Saturday, next Tuesday and the real date to do it though. Still, stupid stupid.

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Spent most of the day watching Iryu 2 on veoh.

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Haven't resumed working on the dance I need to make. Haven't done the outline of this essay. I'm so effing lazy.

There has been much uproar about the conass resolution. Another case of interpreting the law to meet their own needs. Remember books and raw materials used for publishing? Now it's X fraction of the senate and the house to approve an amendment.

Anyway, the Filipino web community is abuzz with all kinds of plans. Building up on the success of the book blockade campaign, advocates are once again using the social networking sites to build up steam on the issue. The current plan is to send letters to our own House representatives and tell them how we feel about ConAss. Theoretically it should work. Reps hear the community and they listen.

Problems:
How sure are we that these representatives are checking their e-mail accounts?
How sure are we that these reps even know how to use the internet much less access their e-mails?
Are these e-mail adresses real or the ones the reps frequently use?

I fear for this campaign because I'm not sure how net savvy the reps are. I think if they frequent the net more they'd have radically different stances on issues. And there'll be probably more libel cases.

And we don't have good political "backers" this time unlike the book blockade campaign where in we had UNESCO and whole government agencies such as the National Book Development Board.

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Unrelated. Dr Free-rides amazing post on the ethics of refusing vaccinations. click!

shet! bakit wala pang pasok! ano ba?

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next purchase:
canon eos elan II body or canon 28-105mm lens
2k vs 8.5k
film camera body vs greater reach

decisions decisions but first money source.

The UP heads have decided to move the start of classes thus returning UP its rightful place among universities. For the past four years, UP has always been the last to start classes. Bless the Great FSM!

Anyway, the move is not strategic and annoying. UP Diliman and Manila campuses have layouts and programs which tend to prevent the interaction of people between colleges. The way I see it, even if a hundred people get the AH1N1 flu in CAS, there would be no need to stop classes in the other colleges. People who visited CAS must voluntarily absent themselves but other than that classes should go on. If they are really serious, they would also ban students from using the PGH route from Faura to P.Gil as this would cause interaction between PGH and UP Manila students.

Then again, this means more time to rest and relax and prepare for the next semester. I need to start adjusting my body clock and train myself to waking up at 5 AM. And I still have a few side projects I need to finish and a few people to talk to.

I received my very first "Mukha kang pang high school student" yesterday. Nope, not a direct entrant Imed. Nope, not a high school student. Yep, I'm 20. Yep, I have a bachelor's degree already.

I just thanked that person for thinking that I still look so young. It's a gift, I guess...

And apparently our first day would be on Monday. This sucks. I have to wake up early and commute during rush hour. Hate hate. Rant rant.

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I saw one or two organizations I might join in UPCM. I guess I have to start fixing my schedule and bracing myself for less hours of sleep. And since my brother is now in college, it'd be harder to go to school very early and study there. Good luck grades.

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Grades... the bane of my existence. I figured if I ever want to have a good shot at obtaining a scholarship for a graduate school, I still have to make sure that my record is consistent with my undergraduate record. I'm not dreaming of matching it since there are no more chemistry subjects that can provide easier (for me anyway) line of 1s but I can always try to be in the upper 10% of our class. I'm not confident I'd be able to get a latin honor this time but I do want it.

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There are only 13 scholarships available for our batch this year. Is it wrong for me to apply for scholarship? My family's income is in between the 3rd and 4th quintile. My parents are very much willing to fund my med school education but I want to gain a bit more financial independence. Work would not be strategic given the academic load of a med student in the Philippines. In terms of grades and attitude, I think I'm deserving of a scholarship. I know there are many financially needy students in the Philippines but I'm not sure about there existence in UPCM. I should be more appreciative of the fact that the entire nation already funded my education for the past 8 years and will do so for the next 5. And they could always not give me one but if there's available funding why not give it to me right? That money will just go nowhere and therefore, to waste.

If I don't get one this year, I could always apply for the Pinoy MD and the UP Presidential scholarship next year. Though they positively discriminate (poor>rich), they do not outright reject more financially capable applicants. This will be more competetive as there are only 8 slots and the student population is around 800.

japan vacation recap 3 - kyoto

Instead of staying in a hotel in Kyoto, we returned to Nagoya. My uncle and godfather used his vacation time (read: recession) and drove us to Kyoto and back. I wasn't happy with this setting really but we did manage to save some money. So whatever...

Sucks to wake up early though. My parents' definition of a vacation doesn't include a full night rest.

Okay. Back to Kyoto. It's nice but is such a tourist spot. We left a bit left so we met traffic (rare in Japan) near on of the tourist spots. So, we had to walk...

 

To Kiyomizudera temple!

It was an uphill climb and there were many shops selling stuff and stuff. There were really nice bags and I was really tempted to buy a yukata. No pictures though. I said it was a climb.

Okay, so there were few pictures but my family is infesting those so just that one.
Returning to the temple...

There were many tourists. Most armed with cameras. I was eye-ing some carrying old film cameras and those with cool-looking lens (drool...).

Took a shot of Kyoto before we left.

One the way down, we encountered "stuff"

Then we had lunch. I had a veggie meal served in a bento. I think it is a kaiseki. I'm not sure though. Most were okay but I didn't eat one red thing which was a bit squishy.

We then went to Heian temple. Had a discussion with my parents and we ended up going inside the gardens. My parents also think quantity >> quality. No parents... no.

Next stop was Golden Pavilion. It was a cool structure and we caught it near sunset (very near closing time) so it was just... golden.

Wala lang...

After buying some souvenirs, we went back to Nagoya and had dinner in a sushi bar! Moving sushi, hehe...

and touch screen menus!

Meet-up with friends and orgmates yesterday.

Haven't spend that much money in a day... ever. Cheapskate days in college oh how I long for you.

A person in the gym we went to commented that it's good that we have strong bonds. hmm...

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I did something yesterday and I'm so happy I did it. It's so nice to have a friend you can trust.

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I still haven't found a job for the first semester. damn...

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I resolve to do that 1 object - 20 angles thing today! Hopefully, the sun will come out since I depend on it for lighting. Yup, too lazy to make my own white box. Maybe, I should propose that to be one of our first activities. Still-life photography is bound to help in learning composition.

This is too much. The Kho-Halili case have caused numerous people to voice their opinions. Unfortunately, many of these opinions are downright wrong and should be rebuked by the broadcaster, the editor or some other responsible person for that channel of opinions. What am I talking about? VICTIM BLAMING.

I first saw signs in the Philippine Star text thing, people actually think Halili and all the other girls are to blame for this. More than Kho, who is a person with twisted sense of morality. Kho, who despite attending a Catholic school, thought back then that taking videos of intimate acts with someone without consent is just okay as long as it remains for his own viewing pleasure. These people (those who are victim blaming) should be slapped around and asked, what if that happened to them? would it be then so easy to point that finger? And now they sympathize MORE with Kho. WTF? Just because of a little water?

They put in that Halili is a sexy starlet. This (video) is no biggie. She shouldn't have consented to sex. She is such an immoral woman having sex outside of marriage!
These people clearly have problems into separating situations. Even if Halili performs on a live sex show in a bar along Quezon ave on a regular basis, it would still be wrong for her partner to document their acts in the bedroom if she doesn't consent. Halili being immoral is irrelevant. It doesn't follow that behaving immorally (though this is only in the eyes of conservatives) means being stripped of rights to privacy. Punish her for having sex outside marriage. Punish him for having sex outside marriage AND invading one's privacy (there's probably a stronger term, I just can't find the language for it).

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This stream of ignorant comments just add evidence that reproductive health and gender sensitivity education should be placed also into the hands of schools and not just Church or family. Would you want children learning from these people?

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I'm starting to think Kho should be stripped of his MD, however; they should also start punishing MDs who have been doing much more gruesome acts. I would start looking in the higher positions of hospitals and government offices. As for Kho voluntarily stopping his practice, I wouldn't do it myself. As long as a patient would come to me I'll practice medicine.

I've been watching Daria the past week. Thanks youtube. Thanks MTV. I miss the 90s. Full of experimentation and expression uncorrupted by commercialism. Cartoons during weekends were few during the 90s. Heck, we had few channels since we didn't have cable back then. MTV was the only source of "alternative" tv which manages to fulfill my twisted mind. Not that I understood Daria back then. I wasn't even able to watch it regularly because showing schedules for it seem to change every month and it usually lands on siesta time (I hate siesta time but almost never got out of it.). I'm jumping from one point to another so suit me? Ok?
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Less than 2 weeks left. I still haven't finished some of the tasks I had planned for the summer, notably, organizing my trans from 3rd and 4th year and compiling our vacation pictures for printing. I've been planning to do something major on Friday but I could chicken out at the last minute. Spanish lesson has going more smoothly since I was able to download a textbook on Spanish. I'm taking it slow, almost like a child's pace.

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I miss my job. Obvious ba na ayaw ko pa talaga mag-med school?

I still want to show to this older person that the BSPH is not a useless degree program (Well, my co-worker who'll be staying may succeed, I hope.).
It may need to have its curriculum revised, maybe allowing for more freedom for students or maybe implement schemes (med tech scheme, health management scheme and classic PH scheme). I understand that implementing schemes might be a logistics nightmare which could be solved if they allow some undergraduates to take graduate level courses. Of course, they'd also need to beef up their admission, weed out those looking for a relatively easier way into UPCM (easy compared to the programs of the white colleges; hard compared to bio and psych). Maybe the faculty could also re-implement its "kuripot" ways of grading and learn from CN how to discourage students from taking up Medicine completely or at least, postponing it. I'm still surprised how many of my HS batcmates who wanted to become MDs and took up nursing in UPM seem to have developed a dislike for the discipline (medicine not nursing).

AHAHAHA. WIN! WIN! WIN!

But there are still effing stupid points...
"Morales said the losses should the DOF implement a zero tariff is just a “drop in the bucket” compared to the P277-billion revenue target of the bureau for the year."

"Finance Secretary Margarito Teves issued DO 17-09 in response to complaints on book importation due to the alleged failure of importers to present the required documents that would allow them to import books duty-free."

These sound contrary to earlier reports about how Customs and the DoF are trying all means to achieve a seemingly unachievable tax returns goal for this year.

ok. whatever. Trying to save face, that's what I think.
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First of all, YEHEY! Finally! After this issue being ignored by media. That sex video hullabaloo has been the headlines for days and even draw the ire of the Senate while the book blockade has barely caused a raised eyebrow. Just shows how twisted the priorities of Filipinos are.
Scandal >> Breach of laws and an international treaty.
Excitement >> Improvement

That joke by Baldwin seem to have generated more attention. Of course, the revisit should have put at least a temporary hold on the policy but no news about that. And doesn't Malacañang already know of the policy before? They were probably blinded by the money it will generate and forgot that by incurring that tax they face the wrath of the book reading public, who incidentally are also very computer literate and very vocal when their remaining pleasures in life are being threatened. Too bad, we aren't as active as some social groups or there had been a protest already in front of the DoF.

Anyway. I'm hoping that "revisit" is changed soon to revoked or removed. And that Sales with her team will be publicly punished by rewriting the Florence agreement and all its related national laws on a blackboard a hundred times or being bashed by paperback (hardbound copies might be too inhuman) copies of Twilight or endure that classic Filipino punishment, kneel on salt while balancing encyclopedias or hardbound books of comparable weight. The last one would be fun to watch.

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I had another vivid dream. I usually get these kinds of dreams when I'm under extreme stress. Hm... that explains the pimples. Anyway...

I dreamt of going to a meet-up with friends, I forgot if it were college or high school friends. This place seems to be a fort of some kind and had to be defended. Soon enough, a battle happened involving guns, bombs and flying daggers. I think ninjas came into play at one point. It was very gory and near the end of the dream, the "enemy" was near to capturing the fort. Some enemies have already infiltrated it and soldiers were already dying.

Meanwhile, I got bored and grossed out so I decided to ask a friend if she wanted to go home. She did so I checked out if the road we used to get there was safe. It wasn't. I was weirdly calm and not fearing for my life. I never felt the sense of being in danger despite being surround by death and destruction. So we stayed and I saw a pregnant woman who was busy shooting people get her belly cut. I saw her intestines fell off and what seems to be a sac full of fluid. A bit later the conflict ended and we lined up outside to get a ride to home. I thought to myself while in line, I'm never returning to this place.

Weird. According to those web dream interpretation things, I'm experiencing some deep internal conflict which I should try to resolve or an issue that has been eating me up for some time now.

Strangely true and on target that interpretation is.

When did it start?
I think the summer of my second year in college. I guess UP does make people like me. Well, sucks for those who didn't attend UP.

What enabled it?
One of the most important is the Philo 1 class. Being exposed to Kant, Existentialism and Ethics was key to forming the foundations of my "philosophy" in life.
The second is exposure to Scienceblogs which is a haven of my kin. They gave me the weapons and arguments I need and reinforced my behavior.
The last would be this personal experience which has started me doubting on the Bible and Christianity. The other religions were easier because I don't really subscribe to them.

Realizing how hollow and twisted the arguments of Filipino Catholics and Evangelists are may have helped also. Many prominent religious people are also bigots and sexists (add that to the Filipino tendency towards racist behavior). I blame this on exposure to night-time radio shows.

How did it happen?
I started as a devout Catholic doing all those rituals and rosaries and stuff all except reading the Bible daily. Then I came to a state where I change from hardcore believer to apologetic to non-believer. I'd go through phases. Soon enough I leaned towards being an apologetic and finally decided that fundamentalism is incorrect. This is around the time I started to adopt a form of Kantian ethics. Then, I just snapped out of it and realized that believing is crazy and impractical. This is the result of daily jeepney rides and surfing the intertubes. Sorry if that sounded like a conversion story but it kind of is.

Are you happy?
Yes, for the most parts. I saw this quote by Rossetti today on my google page: "The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank." And you can also take situations wherein you feel dispair and hate for mankind in general. In times when I start thinking why am I not being selfish like so many people, the only thing I can talk to is myself and not some imaginary being. I can't comfort myself with the fact that they'll go to hell and I'll go to heaven. Nope, none of that BS for me. I guess that state has helped me start on the road to being more vocal and active. If I want to experience heaven, then I have to work for it. If I want justice, I have to bring it about. Don't want and need to wait for everyone to die. This is the only life I'll probably have.

You smell Kant? I do too! Gosh that duty scent is strong.

And I try to avoid talks about religion with my friends, many of whom are religious people. Fortunately they are very tolerant and seem to accept me, at least they're not trying to convert me or anything. I'm a discreet nonbeliever (passive and non-militant most of the times) though and I haven't "come out" to my other friends in other social circles so I frequently receive these text messages with Bible quotes and religious anecdotes. My policy is ignore it if it is harmless.

Aren't you afraid of going to hell?
First, there is no hell. Second, a jealous God is not logically consistent with a loving God. Its jealousy stemming from my neglect to worship it. So, even if there is a God  I'd probably not go to Hell. Third, I'm trying to live a very moral life and trying my best to ensure many of my actions will lead to the common good and my fellows. So far, I haven't killed, raped, humiliated, backstabbed, misled, stole from, or tortured anybody so I think I'm good. I haven't even tried convincing people to stop following their religion. All my "sins" would be sins related to not following random rituals people have imposed on religion. Then again, I'm probably a very sinful viewed from a Jewish or Islamic or Bathala-ist perspective, right?

I'm attacked by an overwhelming feeling of disinterestedness and boredom. I could be doing a lot of things right now like resume playing my sax which I haven't played with for the past 2 years, improve my spanish vocabulary, doing that thing for a photo club, attend this dance conference, watch Daria, start studying Gross anatomy (which I feel is the subject that I'll hate the most in med school), draft a better outline for that essay on health or resume transcribing the workshop recordings (good lord, I've listened to those recordings multiple times already... I regret not doing a verbatim transcription in the first place.). See loads of stuff... why then am I not doing any of those?

I just don't feel like it. It's a good thing I got that summer job or the whole of May would have been like this. In the meantime, I just go visit sites of my future med classmates. Hum... hum... I don't know if they'll ever reach this place. Oy! Leave a message future med classmate!

Yeah, the Kho thing. The senators are being OA. It is not a requirement for doctors to be bastions of morality; heck they don't even have to follow their own advice such as not smoking. I would personally love to have all doctors who smoke have their licenses revoked and their degrees withdrawn.

The only clause which can possibly be related to Kho's alleged despicable act (please tell me if he did shoot those videos without consent) would be the need for doctors to be "gentlemen" and follow the law. Which is really weak because there are so many doctors who don't follow the law and exhibit un-"gentleman"-like behavior such as not letting women sit down.

And before we start passing judgement, we need to know some things. Who shot the video? Do the participants know of the existence of the videos prior to its leak? Who spread the videos?

Oh and that joke about the Philippines. Bong stop being stupid. 30 Rock has been showing nation and race jokes since its inception and nobody is hurt. We know it is all in good fun and they insult everyone.

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The code of ethics of medical doctors in the Philippines is so gender INsensitive. Acting like gentlemen? The Wife instead of spouse? What all doctors are MALE now? God! This is so BS. (Disclaimer: I've only seen this copy. Maybe there is a newer more gender-sensitive version. Still, there'd have been tons of female, gay, lesbian and transgender doctors who were made to pledge on this code.)

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I learned something. I can file a case and have the licenses of those doctors (MDs, NDs are not doctors despite how they want the people to believe) advertising all these miracle cures. Yes! I just have to find the money and maybe record their broadcasts. And Dr Willie Ong has been unethical by appearing in an ad for a food supplement (that doesn't work).

I just re-read the vision and mision of the UPCM college. Nowhere is the mention of training doctors to be leaders in the health sector. What's prominent is the emphasis on primary health care and service to the community. Oh no! I don't intend to practice medicine in some far-flung area. Too much effort, too little effect. Blame my PH training.

Which med school has the vision of producing leaders? Ateneo! Wait... CPH's mision is to produce health leaders. Yes! Go people who aren't forced to take two graduate degrees at the same time! All though I'm a bit jealous of the training Ateneo graduates are going to get regarding management and planning. Still, I think I'm too immature and inexperienced to start studying those things. Better to study that when I'm prepared, focused, more mature and had survived the non-academic world for at least 2 years.

I should stop criticizing the Ateneo approach to health education reform. I really think it is too ideal and they need to have some serious screening process to weed out the unfit ones. Who knows, maybe they're going to be my bosses in the future? At least until I get my graduate degree (of my own informed choice). And the fact that they don't consider our BSPH graduates fit enough to skip the summer transition program, or at least parts of it like Epid. Ok, I'll stop school bashing now.

UP Manila should really consider strengthening the ties between CM and CPH. Currently, the only two departments linked to CM are the Departments of Microbiology and Parasitology. If they want to produce graduates who can match Ateneo graduates at least in terms of skill set, they should promote taking of MPH or MHA degrees in CPH or in any school of public health for that matter. UPCM has a choice, directly serve the underserved and unprivileged or solve the core problems. A sensible person will tell you that it is not feasible for everybody to do those two things at the same time. Then again, UPCM is clearly failing to convince their graduates to practice here in the country so they have to solve that first. Maybe a more stringent interview process and losing some special categories such as children of medical alumni or stop making us think that the admission process is being politicized.

I'm nearly halfway through the last workshop recording. It's great that my co-worker transcribed the other files so I won't have to do it.

I'm really getting sick of wearing these earphones. I don't know how some people manage to wear these all day.

However, I'm happy that I don't have to go to UP Manila tomorrow because of the 4-day work week. Yey! I do have to finish my report though.

I'm also thinking of playing tennis tomorrow, if the weather permits it. The afternoon has been gloomy and cold.

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Someone offered their film camera. Temptations, temptations. I really shouldn't buy one because I barely started getting used to dSLR photography and now I'll have film. And with this job coming to an end, my additional income will also stop. Maybe I'll buy it if I manage to acquire a job for the 1st semester. That effing review center never replied, screw them.

I seem to develop a habit of playing random songs from my playlist in head. Right... now I can't have silence and tranquility any more.

I'll continue the Japan thing next week. promise!

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Finally finished listening to the recordings of the 1st consensus building session. I have another one to listen to tomorrow.

I'm really feeling lazy and losing motivation because it seems like too much work for a one page report. Though, being able to listen to great minds discuss stuff and being partly responsible for writing down, reporting and synthesizing their insights is so worth it.

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One of the members of the working group asked us if we were health policy graduate students. Oh how I wish that were true. I really do but no I'm going to med. I'll be studying anatomy, physiology and biochemistry all over again. I'll be taking exams on a weekly basis for the next months. Once again, I will be forced to study, granted they are bound to be useful and will help me view the human body differently. Wait... this is the UP Manila cram-everything-in-your-head-for-the-exam learning situation, yeah... good luck with integrating and using deep learning strategies.

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I haven't used my dslr for a long time. This sucks.

Maturity seems to entail realizing how much you don't know and how little you can do. However, one also needs to realize that what little one can do, one must do for it can still amount to something.

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I'm listening to the recordings of the workshops. Now I get some parts. Finally. I really need to practice speaking (as in orally) in English. These people, they managed to keep discussing such a huge concept with minimal use of the Filipino language. Then again, it could be because they belong to a society different from mine where English is the language of the household.

Attended a workshop with a group of really smart people. Really smart. And they explain their thoughts fluently and comfortably in English.

My head feels saturated and numb.

Tomorrow should be fun. We'll be organizing the transcripts and workshop outputs.

My digicam is missing. I think I left it in the college, I'm not sure where though. It's either in the van, the corridor or the work room. *sigh* I hate losing stuff or forgetting where stuff were placed.

japan vacation recap 2

The next day was spent roaming around Nagoya. Which was totally out of the original plans. Surprisingly, it does have some good places to visit.

We first went to a mall to look for cold weather gear but nothing was found. Sadness... so we started touring the city. We first went to the tallest buildings in Nagoya, which was near the JR Nagoya station.


And saw this funky structure in front of the station.


There was an entrance fee but whatever. Going on a vacation means spending money, at least for me. What you gonna spend all your money on education?



It was cold and windy. The view was okay but the pictures aren't, I just keep getting this haze. Maybe it's the camera...




After that, we went to a shopping arcade/street in search of cold weather gear. I bought myself a scarf and a pair of gloves to a total of 900 pesos. *sigh*I also had my first bowl of ramen in Japan. 200 pesos. *sigh* It was okay. Obviously, that's not me in the picture

After that, we went to Nagoya castle and lo and behold, sakura!

Lot's of it, lot's of people too.



Then we reached the castle.



We went up Nagoya castle where my camera fainted (no more battery power).

 so no more pictures. ahaha
This is a sucky recap.

Next recap will be Kyoto!

We are going to present our report to our big bosses tomorrow. Right. No worries. Right?

But seriously, I really like the job. I wish I could defer my med school so I could work for the project.

However, looks like I won't be taking the med tech boards this year. I really don't have time to review.

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OMG! They're putting taxes on imported books! Sh*t! Looks like my imposed limit of buying only Php500 books will have to end.

That's really stupid though. Unless they are trying to promote reading of locally produced books which aren't that many. It's still stupid though because not all good books are published here. And what about our reference books? Those brick like books which could kill people? Not all are published here and they're already freakin' expensive. Shit you!

so, I'm reactive to anti-HBs, the antibody for fighting hepa B. this means:

2014 - Labing apat, walang katapat!

ugh...

still not feeling med school.

Especially upcm with transes, batch activities, new people, many new people, weekly exams, long lectures, crappy chairs, 1st year med involving anatomy & physiology & biochemistry (three subjects I don't want to face yet). Thinking about the last makes me want to puke and drop out. It's not that I'm not capable, I just don't want to learn yet.

I recently realized one should do something not just as means to achieving a goal but as an end or goal in itself. In other words, one should value the journey and the destination. The only reason right now for med school is that stupid policy in DOH and other health agencies that one must have an MD to reach the highest positions. And one must have an MD in order for people to listen and believe in you. And in order to help change that I must be one of those insiders. Hopefully, my ph friends will help destroy that from the outside. Thus I'm treating med school merely as a means and not an end. I must find that WANT for an MD; that reason for suffering through med school.

401st post! including the unpublished ones I think.

So yeah...

Having a job, I now understand how enjoyable holidays are.  Doesn't matter if I had been working for 2 days. Doesn't matter that I still did some work today. Doesn't matter that my job (at least for this phase of the project) is more output based rather than hours based. I spent a good amount of time lying on the sofa watching tv. I even watched 200 pound beauty again but this time dubbed in Filipino. The dub somehow works especially because the dubbers were under the ABS-CBN network (ABS-CBN dubbing >>>> GMA dubbing). Now that is a fun movie to watch! I even teared up a couple of times though I think it's the flu + drugs + myalgia.

Well, maybe because I still have the flu and do not want to load myself with drugs and COMMUTE. I dislike commuting now. In the past, I usually use it to collect thoughts or catch sleep but it's like a chore now. Then again, I think it's commuting to the same place using the same route and modes of transpo for four years now is the problem. I really don't want to live in a dorm, apartment or condo though. We'll see... I'm sure I'll be too busy next academic year to complain about commuting since I'll probably be sleep and rest deprived.

I haven't danced in two weeks. This is bad.

And I've been losing motivation to complete the japan recap. Crap. I promise to complete at least one series I started. I will do this even if it takes up forever. Uh.. wait... what?