I don't want tomorrow's exam to be a repeat of my Cardio fiasco. But why am I not studying seriously?

almost done with LU 4.

Three exams. One patient interview. One big event and then off to vacation.

In the face of manga, two novels and the need to earn money, my resolve to use this weekend to study for the pharma-compre combo has been shattered. I sit at home watching as the wind blows away the fragments. I hope sanity returns soon to pick them up and put them together.

Patient encounters. As we were taking the history of our patient, she started talking about her feelings. Deep, pent up feelings and before I knew it, she was crying. Gah! In all the interviews we conducted during LU IV, there were only two times that the patient cried and on both occasions I was one of the lead interviewers. In this case, I was the only interviewer. Why?!

It's not that I don't like it. It's good that they are able to release their pent up emotions. It's good that even as a 2nd year student, I'm already able to help the patient. It's just that I'm not good with handling these situations. Fortunately, I had the CEA method and Psych 220 to fall back on. Though I saw that the patient had gained something from the catharsis, I still suck at the counseling and educating part. Especially, when I really don't have any control on her management nor can I give her money to solve her problems.

And my group mates finally saw some semblance of goodness residing in me.

Had nothing to blog about for the past weeks.

Except for this thing... there's the draft actually but it's so full of angst I might not be publishing it at all.

Last two weeks of classes and off to death aka comprehensive and med jurisprudence exam combo.

As I plan my summer, I realize just how short it is. I don't even have enough time to get a decent job. At least my parents agreed to give me an interest free loan so I can purchase the lens I've been eye-ing for the longest time.

Night before the exam.

Of course, I just had my most benign weekend for this academic year. I'm looking forward to 1 week modules and weekends where I think of nothing but myself.

 

at the abandoned science museum

I have to study. However, I don't feel like it today. As I read the trans and try to commit the concepts to memory, I keep having this nagging feeling that what I'm doing is stupid. I know already what I would need to master the topic. I even had it laid out in my head what ideas to connect and what concepts I need to read up on or review to make the mesh tighter and stronger. But, I'm too lazy. Sht*t.

Thinking about what photo to enter and making up choreography is not helping. The artist is demanding some attention and the scientist is lazing around.

Time. We never have enough. Paradoxically, I'm most unproductive when I view that I have enough time. Stress is the drug I need during these times.

And I will have enough of that. I may be done with the internal medicine topics but here comes the rest of the body.

As I plan my summer vacation, I realize that I won't have a week where I will just be staying at home and lazing life away reading a good book. Oh well, if that means I'll be earning money or visiting a new place or helping raise the health of a community, then so be it.

december 17 or the day I went to the Lantern parade carrying a big box of presents

It's been a crazy December. Hindi na naman ako med student. Napaparami ata ang buwan na hindi ako student. Feeling ko ganito uli sa March. hahaha

No duh.

In other news, our research deadline was moved to January. We can do more trials. Uh... yey? We do need it and I really feel good about this research project. We have really good results, we just need to finish it.

I have a new goal in med school. Apparently, the admin and the faculty decided that just having a 2.75 average is not enough to merit entry into the Track B and Track C programs. We now have to be in the top 30% and 20% respectively. I do hope I'm in the top 20%. I really want to focus on a certain field of medicine for internship year. The skills in this field are not taught really well in the other tracks so there.

Of course the problem with this system is that not everyone in the top 20 and 30%  want to get into Tracks B and C. Isn't this a waste of slots?

2 days in to the 2nd semester and I'm ready for my Christmas break.

And due to my Psych elective, I'll probably be missing the UPD lantern parade this year.

Was an AMSEP host this week. Only week I've had less sleep was when I was attending AMSC and there I was able to catch a nap during venue transfers. I really should have talked to the delegates more.

Finally finished with the amoeba trials. We'll just be counting the amoeba and then off to writing the paper. We have good results but we still need to frame it in a way that will make the paper outstanding (albeit all our methodological limitations and design faults). After everything, I really enjoyed doing this research but bench-type research is really not for me.

The freaking amoeba won't let me enjoy my sembreak. It's a good thing I have groupmates who are really bored at home. If this is how PhD students feel like, at least the one stuck in "wet" laboratories... no thanks! I'd rather not let my happiness be dependent on the growth of cells that I'm planning to kill anyway.

you sure know how to push people to fatigue. you seem to forget we have other things to do. things we already committed ourselves into months ago. *sigh* fine, I'll find some way to do it.

Typical.

My last sembreak for the rest of my life will not be spent lounging at home. Instead, it'll be on research, stressful org stuff and some money-making in between.

My desktop PC is crashing. My younger brother tells me we need to reformat. Looks like I'm gonna spend my weekend backing up my files.

I'm more stress about the fact that I don't have an installer for Stata 11. I'm such a nerd.

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I'm very close to giving up on Pulmo. My brain wants to vomit.

Will be going to Bambang later. I hope some shops are open so I can buy a new steth. I do not want to resort to borrowing the consultant's stethoscope again during the practical exam because my steth can not pick up the faint sounds.

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Only one month left. I'm so excited to work on some other stuff including our therapeutics research.

It hurts when you're doing a nice thing for someone and that person tells you to go to hell.

Now, I get an idea of how our OB coordinator feels.

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It's hard to be a leader of a group of people who feels like they're entitled to have special treatment just because they want to do something else. Reality check. Everyone wants to do something else. Everyone needs to be somewhere else. If you really want, I could just remove you from the list of those who worked in the research project. If you really need to go somewhere else, explain first before leaving and approach me asap to learn what you missed and what you need to do to make up for it.

And it's really hard to lead if people don't respect you. I guess they should just form their own group if they don't want to attend meetings. I've been relatively lenient because we are med students and presumably, mature individuals, but they're really forcing me to be a b*tch.

It has been a whirlwind week of ACTION. It started with a late lunch with the Japanese participants followed by a crazy Monday concerning a hotel, a hostage situation and disgruntled classmate, a few days of being a host (a GRO if you will), studying for a Repro exam and topped off with a night at Villa Escudero and leaving my beloved camera at the bus.

I'm glad with the past week (removing the hostage fiasco that is) and though it left me failing to meet several deadlines, I did make some new friends who I hope I'll be able to keep in touch with.

And I'm seeing how a few days of being together can already foster tolerance of other people and their cultures.

It's only been a month and I think I have accomplished more that what I had done last year. What a crazy month August has been. Though we won't have foreigners this September, there will still be lots of events to organize. Another good things is that I can almost smell sem break. Which means, rest, rest and preparing for EAMSC!