Circumstances might force me to skip the Tuesday conference tomorrow. Maybe I'll just sign the attendance and do some work. Sicko is a good movie but I've seen it three times already, I've had enough. I've already been reading on health equity papers that the movie may seem a bit shallow (but still powerful) already.

I'm just ranting because I have so many things to do.

But I think next week will be better. I always say that though.

Two modules left for the first semester and I'm already sick of learning about the human body. So far, I have yet to find proof that one needs to be a doctor to be qualified as a secretary of health or a health administrator. Why would you even need knowing which parts are destroyed during surgery if you won't be performing that any time soon or in the future after internship? I'm still dead set on what Dr. Galvez-Tan calls "the path less travelled." For me it is public health work focusing on ensuring health equity through efficient systems and maybe, quality of health human resources. Or if I find some opportunity, establishing good patient databases and registries which would increase the rate of research in the Philippines.

What I think I should learn more is how to communicate in English. Articulate my thoughts fast enough that I can form them into coherent paragraphs, orally that is. And maybe a new computer language or how to design and create an online and/or digital database.

I was happy to learn that there are faster ways of getting into health organizations (not hospitals... duh!) rather than working through a residency program.

I heard Noynoy Aquino proclaim that his parents, Ninoy and Cory, were just ordinary people who did their jobs. That is just so wrong. If they just did their job, Cory would have remained a housewife and Ninoy would probably still be alive. The Aquinos might be one of the most hated families in Philippine history for giving up on the fight for democracy.

And that "there's a small Ninoy in all of us" is BS. Ninoy in us is so tiny we are rendered unable to do any thing except for pseudo-nationalistic entrepeneurial ventures which is a lame ass attempt to boost nationalism among Filipinos. An empty nationalism which is very near the white supremacist creed. Filipinos are great can easily turn into Filipinos are the greater than other nationalities just because they are Filipinos. Fortunately, we don't have a twisted leader who'll turn us into the next generation Nazi force.

I'm dreading the upcoming exam in Anatomy.

Somehow, I keep on underperforming or underachieving... whatever. I don't like my new found (what I see) mediocrity. Something I've wanted in the past but I now hate to have. That was a time when my dreams were small, tiny and selfish. My dreams are still selfish but grander and I can't achieve that easily if I don't do better in med school.

Still haven't failed an exam though which is a small achievement I guess.

And I hate how med school (curricular and extra-curricular) is eating up my spare time. I'm finding it hard to picture myself being a commuter for the next four years.

I finally landed my first tutor job but I had to give it up. With the demands of med school and my inability to let go of extra-curricular activities, I just had to. It seems that I'll still be mooching off my parents and plans for buying a news lens or an analog camera by Christmas would not be happening.

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Yesterday instead of studying for the big test on Monday, I attended a day long seminar-workshop on health. I ended up as a participant instead of a facilitator but whatever. It was painful to have a group discussion which you could have easily dominated. We didn't use meta-cards so it was much harder to extract ideas from the other participants. However, I am happy to see some people now know about the intricacies of health and the Philippine Health system. I'm sad though that they're pessimistic about health system reform... disempowered seems to be a good word.

I have a busy week ahead and I have to work more to pull up my grades. They're not very pleasing.

Sample exams.

I feel bad about having to use them.


Grades don't matter too much in med school, as long as you pass is the objective. Despite this, I still felt the need to use the samplex.

It bothers me why I have to resort to sample exams. Do I fear failing the exam? Or, do I fear that my exam scores won't be high enough to achieve my goals? Or worse, am I being competitive again and fear the "just average" label?

Why can't I at least have "pure intentions" regarding samplex use?

I just got my book from Pfizer:
"Moments in Leadership: Case Studies in Public Health Policy and Practice"

I'm thinking this will keep me sane through first semester. I'm also hoping that this will assure that I never lose my PH way of thinking (health systems, cost-effectiveness, consequences).

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Only a few in our batch passed our Gross Anatomy exam. I'm not confident that I passed after realizing the number of trick questions that were included.

When you fall down, you pick yourself up and stand again... wiser and stronger.

It's okay if I fail but it'll jeopardize my desire to be eligible for the Track B internship in my 5th year. Then again there's always the final exams.

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In other news, I'm sorely disappointed with one of my extra-curricular activities. Poor organization. Whatever happened to the vision of a 5-star physician? Doctor nga wala namang alam sa mundong ginagalawan. Ano ba yan?!

Studying the intricacies of the hand. Anatomy doesn't scare me much anymore. I hope that is still the case after the exam tomorrow. Surprisingly, Histology is starting to bare its nasty claws again but I think it's just my stupid pride.

No classes on Monday. Another sad day for med students. Though I dislike dissection sessions, I do not want to sacrifice on due to the celebration of a religious group. Stupid group who has to hold their celebrations on a workday. But it was quite funny to read the thinly veiled attempts of CHED to decrease the number of people who will attend the SONA rallies. I'm not going because I have a test on Tuesday which I need to prepare for really well. And as I was listening to the reasons of DepEd, I suddenly found myself transported to a communist country where people have to stop working to listen to the speech of our great leader. Hohoho!

Very hot and humid weather.

I really hope it starts to rain again soon.

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The past week has been though on my body. I'm not sick just very tired physically. We had three dissection sessions this week involving skinning the body, removing fascia and looking for different anatomical structures. I like dissecting though because there is great fulfillment in finding that tiny structure hidden under a pile of connective tissue, fat and muscle. And what's better is scary structures stop being scary because I can now visualize them in my head and have felt them with my hands.

The really bad thing though is the formalin. It makes you cry. It makes you nauseous. It makes my nose runny and painful.

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I've volunteered for something big. I'm excited. Will tell more once, I'm done with it.

http://www.bulatlat.com/main/2009/07/19/lohika-ng-rali/2/ - Warning: Nosebleed Filipino for the uninitiated

Basically, he says that rallies are the best exercise of activism. For even though the success of the rally couldn't be proven or measured, the participants feel that it is a success. A collective experience of releasing pent up anger and thoughts. A sense of empowerment. A feeling that one is able to do anything.

Now for the more practical among us, rallies are inefficient (though can be highly effective) ways of raising demands. I tend towards the advocacy over the activism side because of this. I find it really hard to participate in something so inefficient, something messy, disorganized and an activity largely fueled by emotion rather than actual contemplation.

The author is bothered why there are few UP students who have attended rallies. He argues that the liberal education and liberating education, we should have experienced or should be experiencing would necessarily lead us to see that rallies are good tools for raising our voices and promoting change. Again, a myopic view of liberal and liberating education. Of course, it is entirely plausible UP is failing to liberate the minds of its students which should then entail curricular revisions and changes in the teaching methods used.

Went to Cinemalaya Cinco.

Watched Sanglaan (meh... just okay overall) and Last Supper No. 3 (frustrating, hilarious and with a hint of sadness).

Saw Mylene Dizon who became so much hotter all of a sudden after years of disappearance. Sorely tempted to get her autograph. Hello? Star of 100?

Sorely tempted to steal a photo from an interactive art exhibit. Just might do it tomorrow.

I really want to watch Engkwentro but most of it's show times are inaccessible for me unless I skip the Acquaintance party on Friday. hmm...

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Designing health education materials again. I really don't like this task; too many art components for my taste.

I'm going to have a very interesting Friday next week. I'm really excited.

Life has been slowly moving towards a routine or some semblance of order at least. I'm still wary of the upcoming curve ball that will make life more interesting.

better if I had wider lens...hm...

I don't know why I keep taking down notes in class. I almost never read them unless the transcriptions are really bad and even then, I'd consult the books first. It's even bad for the environment in way because I use up paper and ink.

I maintain that it's primary use is to keep me awake through class. Then again, note taking is still not enough during siesta period where I end up dozing off while jotting something down.

It's not for practicing my handwriting which has been sucky since forever.

I would like to believe it's helpful in synthesizing and integrating knowledge and concepts. I especially like it when majority of my notes are diagrams and drawings. If you can make it into a diagram or drawing, you know and understand it. Of course, diagrams have limitations but I have my brain to fill up those missing pieces and contradictions.

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My love for photography has returned. Last night I spent a good hour in post-processing and uploading pictures. It's so therapeutic. Looking at pictures you took, discovering the beauty it contains. *sigh*

I don't have fisheye lens or a lomo can. Just played around with a lomo viewfinder.

ps
The thing about OSI curriculum demanding that you read multiple books for one lecture: It's true. I'm juggling three books right now.

Our neuro exam results came out.

Surprisingly, I got a really good grade. It's good because it means that I will be able to maintain a respectable GWA. It's bad because I suck at anatomy and I still got that grade.

And I know that knowledge on those anat structures will be really handy in the higher physio portion so I should remain on my toes regarding neuro.

First OSCE next week. I'm excited.

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Had my first ever group photowalk. It was nice, shooting in groups. Next time I'll get more shots of people.

I feel so tired.

I have been participating in extra-curricular activities throughout my four undergraduate years. I can't remember of a week I have been a full-time student devoted only on academics except during finals season. Even my sem and summer breaks have been used up. Yet I still do it.

In med school, I have to face that fact that I need to devote more time to study. I already sacrificed my fitness and exercise time. I don't want to sacrifice my extra-curriculars. I'm so torn. Could I survive being a very active member of 5 organizations, two are university-wide orgs. When I look at my schedule, Sundays are the only days left for rest and relaxation. I have to give up something but I don't know what.

Woke up with a throbbing headache and a sore body.

The soreness I don't mind much because it will force me to do stretching exercises which I need to do more.
The throbbing I do mind. A lot. I didn't even had the appetite to eat breakfast. And since I had to take this medicine which makes me drowsy I ended up studying very little this morning.

I noticed I get sick after going to mass. Therefore, I should stop. Hahaha.

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Religious: I work towards getting out of this world whole and get into heaven.
Atheist:  I work to stay in this world for as long as possible in order to turn it into heaven.

Random question: Who pays for the hospitalization and medical check-ups of president GMA?

If it is from the tax or part of her presidential health plan then why does she keep on availing services in the expensive private hospitals like St. Lukes and Asian Hospital? Does this health plan cover ALL of her expenses or has a limit (like in PhilHealth)?

If she is the one who pays for it, then okay. Go spend your money but the annual pay-check of a president doesn't leave room for executive check ups or 3-day holidays in private hospitals.

shet. wala talaga akong kwenta sa gross anatomy. Batuhin mo ko ng slides. Ibabad mo ako sa harap ng microscope buong araw. Huwag mo lang ako pilitin na mag-aral ng gross anatomy. Buti na lang matino ang aming lecturers (although may isang parang hinahabol at isa namang may sleep inducing voice) at ang kanilang slides. At mabuting-mabuti na may ka-grupo akong taga-Psych na previously exposed sa gross anatomy ng brain.

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Kailangan ko na talaga bawas-bawasan ang aking extra-curricular activities. Hindi dapat ako ginagabi ng uwi araw-araw.